D has a irritating habit of leaving his wardrobe door open and due to some deep instilled childhood memory or fear I can't go to sleep with the wardrobe door open.
This is the kinda of completely insane conversation D and I have and as I'm sleep deprived today I decided to share it with you.
Let's set the scene, it's a dark and stormy night, yours truly is trying to sleep when she clocks the fact that D's wardrobe is open...
ME: Your wardrobe is open
ME: But it's OOOOO-pen
ME: Close it
D: You close it
ME: But I didn't leave it open
D: And I don't care that it IS open
ME: But what about the wardrobe monster!
D: Wardrobe Monster?
ME: The wardrobe monster is gonna get you! If you leave the door open it's a invitation for him to visit and he's not the kinda cute pixar monster, oh no, he's the grind your bones up and rip your face of kind of monster.
ME: Yup I mean me, I'm fine, 'cause it's not my wardrobe, but he'll smell all your clothes and get your scent and then he'll come and eat you and you'll be all "oh god help me Holly it's eating me face" and I'll be all "I told ya so"
Me: You know what it feels like when it starts to eat you? Like this - *pinches D*
*significant time passes*
D: Stop pinching me
ME: It wasn't me! I told you it's the wardrobe monster it's gonna get you!
D: Go. To. Sleep.
*more time passes*
ME: Okay, I know I started this but I'm really freaked out now so please shut your wardrobe...
*D goes to shut wardrobe*
*even more time passes and I finally begin to fall asleep*
D: You know I bet the wardrobe monster has invited his girlfriend along and she's waiting in your wardrobe.
*my eyes shoot open*
ME: Oh GREAT now I'm not going to be able to sleep
D: What you gonna do, wake me at 3am for my turn guarding the wardrobes?
ME: Great idea! Besides there's that much STUFF in my wardrobe my monster has to be realllly small. You can probably win a fight with her.Maybe.