Thursday, 20 January 2011

The Wardrobe Monster

D has a irritating habit of leaving his wardrobe door open and due to some deep instilled childhood memory or fear I can't go to sleep with the wardrobe door open.
This is the kinda of completely insane conversation D and I have and as I'm sleep deprived today I decided to share it with you.

Let's set the scene, it's a dark and stormy night, yours truly is trying to sleep when she clocks the fact that D's wardrobe is open...

ME: Your wardrobe is open

D: Shhh

ME: But it's OOOOO-pen

D: So

ME: Close it

D: You close it

ME: But I didn't leave it open

D: And I don't care that it IS open

ME: But what about the wardrobe monster!

D: Wardrobe Monster?

ME: The wardrobe monster is gonna get you! If you leave the door open it's a invitation for him to visit and he's not the kinda cute pixar monster, oh no, he's the grind your bones up and rip your face of kind of monster.

D: *snorts*

ME: Yup I mean me, I'm fine, 'cause it's not my wardrobe, but he'll smell all your clothes and get your scent and then he'll come and eat you and you'll be all "oh god help me Holly it's eating me face" and I'll be all "I told ya so"

D: Holly

Me: You know what it feels like when it starts to eat you? Like this - *pinches D*

*significant time passes*

D: Stop pinching me

ME: It wasn't me! I told you it's the wardrobe monster it's gonna get you!

D: Go. To. Sleep.

*more time passes*

ME: Okay, I know I started this but I'm really freaked out now so please shut your wardrobe...

*D goes to shut wardrobe*

*even more time passes and I finally begin to fall asleep*

D: You know I bet the wardrobe monster has invited his girlfriend along and she's waiting in your wardrobe.

*my eyes shoot open*

ME: Oh GREAT now I'm not going to be able to sleep

D: What you gonna do, wake me at 3am for my turn guarding the wardrobes?

ME: Great idea! Besides there's that much STUFF in my wardrobe my monster has to be realllly small. You can probably win a fight with her.Maybe.


  1. Under no circumstances should you be forced to get up to shut a wardrobe you did not leave open! Everybody knows, THAT'S WHAT THEY'RE WAITING FOR! Either the Wardrobe Monster reaches out and grabs you and drags you in, or the Under-the-Bed Monster takes advantage of your inattention and drags you in THERE! D is just trying to get you killed so he can sleep.

  2. EXACTLY! And then he would be able to steal ALL the pillows, I know his game

  3. I thought a wardrobe monster wore your suits and broght them back dirty and smelly and stretched out your sweaters, not ate your face. They must be different here in America.

  4. Know what kicks a wardrobe monster's butt? Oh sure, you thought I was going to say a Zombie right? [Though it's true, I wasn't going to say it for fear you won't sleep tonight]
    An award. You can wear it like a shield to protect yourself from monsters. *nods wisely*
    I listed you as a recipient of the "Stylish Blogger" award!

    On a wholly unrelated topic [it's your fault, your list of stuff to do caught my eye again], we played bingo right before the holidays and won Sea Monkeys. Shall I ship them to you so you can check off # 10 & 15?

  5. It's probably the better materials Laura.

    Sea monkeys! Hell yeah! Although their life will probably be only as long as my attention span.
    I KNOW there's no Zombie in my wardrobe or their moaning would keep me up at night. But something opened the dolls house while I was sleeping last night which has me confused.

    Thanks hun :)

  6. I'm totally with you on the door being open. That's definitely where the monsters are.

  7. Yup! No idea where the furniture store hid them when they sent us the flat packed furniture though