Friday, 29 July 2011

Theme Park WOOOAAAHH!!

We're off to a theme park tomorrow! I'm so excited because we're taking my lil' brother in laws who have NEVER been to a theme park or a fair before...EVER. So we're keeping it as a big surprise and can't wait to see their faces when they see this whole park full of stuff where they get to go on everything.
I'm slightly worried since they've never been on any rides they'll be lightweights but there are plenty of shows which we can see too.
We've specially picked a kids/family park so we should be able to go on almost everything either together or the boys themselves. -chickens or not-
The only problem is that I'm going to have to be the brave one now who holds hands and has courage....when I'm usually the one screaming my head off on a pirate ship....
You may be thinking ... "Holly it's a kid's park there is nothing scary."
Well let me take you back to Disneyland 2003.
*tinkly flash-back music*
We'd gone to Disneyland for a course I was doing at college where we spend mornings and evenings learning how Disneyland works as a "for profit" organization and then the day time playing in the park - BEST. CLASS. EVER.
My friend Bee and I had free rein so we'd decided to hit the "fairytale" park area. We got on the Snow White ride (and were the only people who did) crammed ourselves into the kiddie seating and set off. We began making fun of the ride and pretending to be scared letting out little shrieks at the evil queen etc. Then the ride picked up speed and we began to scream....interjected with laughter while clinging to each other....and after a short while screaming wasn't a "game" any more, we were genuinely being spooked. When we exited the ride, there were twelve park staff stood waiting for us.
I don't know what they thought had we went on the ride again to avoid the looks of "what the HELL is wrong with you" and of course....screamed even louder this time.
Not to mention when Pluto ACCOSTED me and wouldn't let me go until I kissed him (and all I could think was ewwwwwwww kid germs on his face) and don't forget that Mickey Mouse tried to RUN ME OVER in his little car.
Yeah....I'm sure there is nothing to worry about since I got that "Disney Characters Restraining Order" which kinda keeps me out of Disneyland.

Thursday, 28 July 2011

Theory Test Time

I vanished for the last 24 hours because I'd suddenly realised that I had my driving theory booked for TODAY and I hadn't revised at.all.
In the last 24 hours I have read 946 pages of the theory test book - joy - practised my hazard perceptions test.......and then panicked because it turns out I'm not very perceptive of hazards. But all in all.....

WOOHOOO! I got 50/50 on my theory (hehe) and then mainly 5 and 4 points per hazard (5 is max) but i did mess up and score 2x 3points and 1x 2points so I really am pretty weak on them.
The stupid thing is that some hazards were ridiculous. People were literally throwing themselves into on-coming traffic and giant lorries were trying to u-turn in front of me when I was on a dual carriageway etc. It was all slightly farcical. I also found I was leaning back in my chair trying to not get hit by the stupid people. But now I am ONE STEP CLOSER to completing my dream of passing my driving test. My lessons start in a week and are of the intensive kind, so I can be taking my test before mid-September!!

Finally I'd like to thank all the "actors" who threw themselves in front of on-coming traffic just so I could take and pass my test. 
And if anyone else in the UK is taking theirs soon the 'Driving Test Success' CD ROM set was a GODSEND!

Tuesday, 26 July 2011

Introducing my Arch Nemesis

A few weeks ago I launched an application to become my Arch Nemesis. If you didn't get change to read that post you can do so here. There was one applicant that was too brilliantly planned out not to accept.
Now I can now proudly, horrifyingly, angrily, evilly present my Arch Nemesis.

Who I imagine looks a little something like Captain Black from from Captain Scarlet and the Mysterones

Captain Black is also potentially half Zombie - given the photographic evidence......oh yes....and possibly also a puppet.
He/She also has "qualifications in Fencing and Martial Arts so I am apt in combat. I am also English so I have the accent to go with the "Evil Arch Nemesis" role.
And is, of course, totally evil.
Apparently he/she also holds the ability to alter my font mid-blog so my posts look bizarre. (and I have no idea how to fix it)

Captain Black's location (other than England) is unknown, please note the image above is a photograph of A Captain Black but possibly not THE Captain Black and may or may not represent Captain Black's true likeness.

Tune in again, SAME time, SAME blog, NEXT WEEK for any updates on Captain Black's evil doings.
Because you know he/she is out there......being evil.

Saturday, 23 July 2011

Fitting Room Madness

Yesterday I'd headed out of town to run some errands and decided to pop into a cheap-ish clothes store to try find some green cloth trousers to lounge around in. I picked up my size in trousers (12 in this country) and toddled off to the fitting room. When I got there (dragging my big noisy trolley) there was no attendant stood waiting, but one of the cubicles had the door shut...

Person in Cubicle, possibly attendant: HELLO?
Me : Hello
PINPA: Can you hear me?
PINPA ...... continues talking loudly.........on her mobile....

In which I realise I'm an idiot and get all embarrassed.
But our shouted conversation at least gets the attention of an ACTUAL attendant who grants me access to the magical shape-altering changing room.

I tried on the size 12 and it was like a pregnancy pant. I could fit both my hands in and pull it a good way away from my tummy. Then when I went to put MY jeans back on - they also wouldn't fit and kept slipping off.....which is odd as they fit just fine before the magical changing room. In the end I had to buy a size lower and probably could have gone down another size, but since I want them for lounging (lounging also involves eating junk food while sprawled like a fat pig Greek goddess) I figured the extra bit of give couldn't hurt.

My conclusion: just walking into the magical cubicle lost me 1/2 a stone. I'm SO going back next week :P

Thursday, 21 July 2011

Cookie Recipe or 'baking this makes so-so biscuits'

Today's blog is short and effortless (because I'm feeling lazy and I need to be out all day) I promise it will be long and better tomorrow (but I'm lying because I'm lazy and out of town tomorrow too) unless something awesome happens when I'm out today.
I was asked for the recipe for the cookies so here it is.
Maybe someone else want's to try it and spare my feelings and tell me it's terrible!

I found it by googling "easy cookie recipe."
And last night while I was in bed I considered that perhaps that was the I got up today and first thing I did was to Google "hardest cookie recipe."
If I'm gonna suck at something let's suck at a 'mans game.'

Hazzah, sugar cookie failure here I come!!!
(or at least in a bit when I'm not so lazy I mean.....busy...yeah...busy)

Wednesday, 20 July 2011

Need a chef, or at least a half decent kitchen assistant

Today I suddenly decided, mid accounting and mid listings that I really fancied some cookies. But we don't have any in. So in an attempt to kill two birds with one stone (get cookies and clean kitchen) I decided to start baking.
Now I'm sure you all recall my secret cookie war. For some unknown reason I can make roast joints, bake cakes, serve rare delicacies and they are scrumptious, but try my hand at cookies, biscuits and brownies and it's a TOTAL fail.

Today I was SO hopeful.
The recipe was so basic that a child could do it, supposedly.
And I was comforted by other people's comments like;
"Hi Rachel, 
thank you so much for the recipe. i always thought cookie baking was the most complicated thing in the whole world. you made it soo easy, no baking powder and no eggs is the kind of cooking that we dig and now possible all because of you."
So I was pretty certain I couldn't mess up.

I was wrong.

I tell you now I FOLLOWED the RECIPE. I did honestly I did, it was so basic not even I could screw it up. But when I reached my 13-15 minutes cooking time.....they still weren't done. In fact a whole 45 minutes later they still weren't looking done either, they were squidgy still, so not being a quitter I flipped them over like pancakes and put them back in.

It's been an hour and they still don't look too great. I haven't tried one yet, and D's not around as a test subject so I keep poking them on the cooling rack and giving them dubious looks.

If anyone has a fool-proof (and trust me it needs to be fool-proof) recipe I can try leave it below. I'll try out every recipe I get and post all the results and who-ever can finally get me making a successful batch don't know what, a trophy or something.

Tuesday, 19 July 2011

Hell YEAH!

Wowza! I found this while strolling across the interweb!

Elephant Mahout Training
Four Seasons Tented Camp, Northern Thailand
You can do anything from half a day to three days depending just how much of an elephant fan you are, working side-by-side with local mahouts - expert trainers in the 2,000-year-old Thai tradition of elephant care. Guests interact directly with the rescued elephants, learning about the animals and their well-being from the mahouts, who also demonstrate the fundamentals of elephant driving. Which brings us to the best bit. Pachyderm trekking through the jungle. The camp also includes bathing and feeding the elephants and collecting them from their night-time feeding grounds. 

OMG SIgn me up, and show me how! This would completely tick off the FIRST item on my 100 by 100 list, methinks it's time to beat D into submission, or just plain ol' take my girlfriends and go, after all it's only three days so we could fly out, do it, and then fly home. Hell yeah, MINIBREAK, whose with me!

Monday, 18 July 2011

Where are the batteries for the darned camera!

It's B-day over here for three little kittehs, but I get the feeling we're going to need a do-over tomorrow since the camera is either broken or none of the three sets of batteries I put in it are charged.
Their gift has not arrived - speedy mail order my ass!
It's raining, it's pouring the kittehs are snoring.
And are acting mopey - maybe because they realise momma is throwing them a really crappy birthday, by shoving them away as she tries to do her accounts.

They were born somewhere between midday on the 18th and midday on the 19th. Since their biological momma had gone walkies overnight and returned with the kittehs on the 19th. So maybe a two day birthday can be excused.

We've bought them a Frolicat Dart and really hope it arrives tomorrow, I was so sure I'd upload some cute kitteh craziness photos and videos today but apparently --- not.
Hopefully tomorrow birthday act 2 will be more of a success.

In the meantime SIX cats have come to my door today, some I have never seen before, so I'm guessing they were expecting a party or something??
Oh, and I had three mice on the lawn...perhaps that attracted them?

Friday, 15 July 2011

I know ya'll weren't thinking sweet thoughts for me!

Ick ick ick ick!
I took the medicine yesterday before I went and I managed the first 5ml spoonful okay - tastes like lemon sherbets but a very bitter unpleasant after-taste. No biggie.
The other medicine, the one I had to take 25ml's of - --- but that I was only provided the equipment for getting 10ml doses out of the bottle ---- went less well.
The first 15ml's were okay, it smelled and tasted like toffee sauce...for about 3 seconds. Then the burning acid bitter horrendous flavour came out. On my 20ml spoonful I actually vomited into my mouth and started cramming biscuits and lemonade down to try keep the whole dose down. Needless to say I had to wait another ten minutes before taking the final dose --- so it didn't reappear on the kitchen floor --- and then hop round on one foot trying not to barf. Delightful.

It gets better.

For the procedure I was half-naked...did I really need SIX other people in the room with me ---- my guess is no. Although the wonderful nurse who offered me her hand in the procedure talked me through it while I was in agony and trying not to cry, she stroked my head and assured me it would be over soon and that I could do this. I'm not sure I'd have managed not to have kicked and punched those around me if it wasn't for her, at one point I was in agony and trying to breathe through feeling like I was being ripped apart, they reassured me they could stop and re-start when the doctor got in the room but I shook my head, the sooner it's over the better. They did scream for the doctor to come immediately so it could be over, which was great. And afterwards feeling a bit sheepish now it was over and less painful they all were very sympathetic saying it is a very painful thing to have done and I did great.

Afterwards I didn't lose my sight "YAY" BUT ----- I did suffer with chronic diarrhoea which is a rare side-effect of the procedure and the drugs I was on, guess it wasn't my day.
I was under strict "stay off your feet" orders and D had to pander to my every whim, which would have been awesome were I keeping anything down and not writhing on the sofa whimpering.

It was horrible. The only plus was viewing my inners on the screen behind my head which looked like someone had set a firework off in them with all these squiggly trails of dye and organs. Hopefully the test will be clear, otherwise I have to have the same again but while unconscious and open in surgery. Joy happy happy joy joy. We'll get the results soon. I hope they are clear or something minor and easily resolved has been picked up. I really don't want to do any more procedures I want to move on to the solution.

Wednesday, 13 July 2011

Drugs don't work they just make me worse, till I'm ready to kick some ASS

Well I go in for my "procedure" tomorrow, I'd tell you what it's called but all I remember is BLAHBLAHBLAH-SPING-BLAHBLAH-OGRAM. Before I go I have to take antibiotics to stave off any potential infection. Now I have a pill problem rooted in my childhood. I.CANNOT.TAKE.PILLS. Four out of five times I take a painkiller I end up gagging/vomiting it back up. So when the doctor told me I'd have to take two pills in the morning before I go and then one pill a day for four more days, I figured I could maybe manage that.
Then I picked the pills up today.
I have to take 5 count them 5 pills before I go, and two when I return followed by three a day for four more may think I'm over reacting but that's A-LOT of drugs! To make matters worse, the pills are MAHUSSSIVE! Imagine the size of your thumbnail and you've got them. The pills also have crazy instructions the "zippy" pills need to be taken with an hour gap of each other. and then two hours must be left after the final pill before anything else... so for those it's 4 hours of coaxing a pill down plus two hours break. Then I have to have a full tummy to take the second "miz" GIANT pill. My appointment is at 10am...this would mean I have to get up at 3am just to take some pills, even if I didn't have a problem that's crazy.

I rang D in floods of tears sure I can't take them and thinking I might die if I have the procedure and don't. Eventually someone calmed me down...I think it was Emmzie...maybe I rang her after D....and got me to call the pharmacy, explain why I have a problem and ask if they can help. And bless them they offered to exchange them for a suspension liquid. Now I only have to take 25ml of liquid and then another 5ml of liquid before I go....that sounds much more manageable.. no matter how foul it tastes. Think nice sweet coated thoughts for me tomorrow, I'm going to need them!!

Tuesday, 12 July 2011

Unwanted Vacation Procedure

I'm having a "procedure" done at the hospital on Thursday and while it's basic but evasive it has all kinds of scary bad side-effects and I'm a bit freaked out about it. (let me tell you it involves nothing to do with my eyes but it says it can cause temporary BLINDNESS after!!!) I'll be back on here after it's done as I can't concentrate to write (other than to moan and bitch and worry) which makes awesome reading I know. I hope you can all understand this and stay tuned for these fine future blogs;

*Unveiling my Arch Nemesis*
*Battlestar Galactica Drinking Game*
*How I sound and why I'm cringing*
*Evasive procedures and why they suck* (or possibly retitled 'my life now I'm temporarily blind')
and finally
*How to test your cat's sanity*

I'll be back soon ----- promise

Friday, 8 July 2011


We've been all over the place this week, D surprised me with train tickets and reservations in another town for a fancy Italian meal, so here is a montage in pictures of our time.

Picnic in 'da park :)
As D said, a very kids-junk-food orientated picnic
Getting ready for our trip in my new freshly purchased dress :)

D's took me to the train station, left me on the platform while he purchased the tickets, then bundled me on a train heading to Sheffield. This is when i discovered I like "surprises" in theory only, and when on a train with no idea of the destination a small ball of "abduction" panic balled up in my stomach. Apparently I'm a control freak.
My dessert which looked an awful lot like the leaning tower of Pisa as it wobbled all over my plate.
This stupid horse picture RUINED my meal, it was priced at £295 and called "A Horse Rearing." In what frikkin' world is that a picture of a horse rearing, it's legs?  The legs are the wrong shape to be rearing this horse looks like it was drawn to have arms. So (suspecting that the painter painted a horse standing, then just rotated the picture) I rotated the image, nope can't be that either as the shoulder is too far forwards - stupid, stupid, painting.

And finally me waiting for the train home, with blurry arms :)

Thursday, 7 July 2011

D nearly got me a Puppy

For our anniversary I got D a kid's bow & arrow and badminton set - which we took great delight knocking into next doors yard - hehehe - I mean --- ooops
..and D very nearly bought me this in Toys R Us it was just so ...... NEEEEEEEEDED me..... it's eyes are sooo * me with your pin number....* and the giraffe on display had tiny little arms so it could Give me a HUUG.... though it's eyes said "then I KEEL you!"

D actually bought me a Stunt Kite! (We'd had a kids kite on our honeymoon and it broke and we ran four miles down the beach laughing to try catch it)  - The stunt Kite however caused major arguments on "who had the right idea to fly the kite" neither of us did, since it never took off the ground. But with a little luck we'll maybe get a windy day and a do-over.

Wednesday, 6 July 2011


I am back, D didn't ship me off to Alaska, murder me on a delightful picnic or anything other than trying to strand me in a tree so all is good. We had a great few days out and I have lots to share if I can just get these darned photos off D's new phone. *smacks it on the counter* Stupid piece of tech....*shakes over laptop* Pffft.
When D gets fed up of my beating on his phone he'll come do some wizardiness to make the photo's appear so I can use them. Don't get me wrong if we'd taken the photo's with the camera I'd be all uploading their asses. But since we used his stupid "there's a dice game that's not a game so stop playing with it Holly" phone they are encased in plastic screen and won't.come.out.

For now D has more time off work so we're off SHOPPPPIING tomorrow at this huge mall to buy me US some new threads. Oh it's been soooo long since I bought clothes...well except that dress I bought for our anniversary....but before then (being self-employed doesn't exactly buy me new stuff) I wear things I owned for years (yes some things are 8 years old and no they don't still fit) and tomorrow I have a shiny £140 of D's tax-rebate to spend on CLOTHES - OH BABY YES!

In the meantime, thanks for the compliments on my wedding dress, it was gorgeous, I part designed it and rather than spending thousands I managed to get it made by a lovely Chinese woman for just £106 and it's made with Chinese silk and satin. The train is embroidered, took her ages and it's just wonderful. I'd never imagined my wedding dress as a kid but if I had, my word this would have been it.
And for those who said viewing the whole album was bought this on yourselves :P

Sunday, 3 July 2011

Two anniversaries in one

‎1 year ago today I'd just had my "road accident." I smashed my face in, broke a bone in my wrist and messed my knees up for life (I still can't kneel down) - that's the reason I'm not crossing/going near ANY road's today. You know they'll just try to finish me off!
And not only am I marking the one year anniversary since I looked in the mirror and freaked out at the mangled mess that was my face, but tomorrow it's also D's & my 3rd Wedding Anniversary.

As such we have picnic plans - weather willing and I'm being taken somewhere "posh" for a meal at night and my only instructions are to "dress up....(wedding dress anyone?)" 
- we're so off to Macdonalds...I just know it.
So I'm going to "bounce" fo' now. I'll be back in a  few days with, I'm sure, tales to tell.

Since I refused to let D take a photo of my mangled face, here's how I looked 3 years ago tomorrow.

 Okay, so here's another, it's my anniversary ya'll just be glad I don't pull out the WHOLE ALBUM....yeah...counting yourself lucky now aren't ya!

Friday, 1 July 2011

WANTED : Arch Nemesis

A couple of weeks ago Thoughtsy asked the blogging world to provide her with applications to be her wife, and we did. They got married, didn't invite me - oh yes I NOTICED that thoughtsy! And are living happily ever after surrounded by zombies and pop-tarts.

Well it occurred to me that what I really want (other than a puppy and some chocolate) is an arch nemesis.
A nemesis who tries to foil my day, and who I try to foil the plans of. And someone to blame when the stuff hits the proverbial fan. I want an arch nemesis purely for comedy and competition purposes, after all what good 'Shrimp Girl' superhero doesn't have an evil mastermind that needs thwarting?

Sadly D cannot be considered as an arch nemesis and the only people in my life worthy of being an arch-nemesis are too boring to bother with - yes BW I'm looking at you.
I know what you're thinking right now, why don't I just use my neighbours - good question - well due to that court ruling I can't come within blah feet of said party --- nah D made me PROMISE on my future puppy's LIFE that I won't go rumbling* in the neighbourhood. All bets are off though if they annoy me again.

So answers on a postcard, do you have what it takes to be my arch nemesis?

Job Description of an Arch Nemesis

Must have an awesome 'arch nemesis' name
Must have an evil laugh
Must be into healthy rivalry and one-up-man-ship
Must have evil (or ordinary) plans which (they don't realise) need thwarting.
Has to have a good sense of humour and a practical joke side.
Hopefully can draw a cartoon version of self in 'arch nemesis' costume.
Will get a special link on my sidebar so peoples know who you are ---------------------->
Must be willing to be blamed for all of life's mishaps and computer errors.

Must realise 'arch-nemesis' is a just-for-fun title and we will not actually be going to war, but I'm up for a bit of inter-blog combat.

Would you make a good arch-nemesis? If so why? Apply below - if you don't I'll have to go after D and then who will protect da ' hood!