Tuesday, 28 February 2012

Sick as a dog

I'm hurling my guts up at the moment. I'll be back when the curses fade or the bribes work. Or I take my own life to just stop.the.hurling

Tuesday, 21 February 2012


I'm pretty sure the only reason these are located together is that to obtain one, you must first shred your hand.

How very ancient Egyptian booby trap of the national rail service

Thursday, 16 February 2012

I ordered a PIZZA you ******!

Viva Pizza - Only order from them if you want to receive a completely different meal to the one you ordered, and then to get argued at down the phone that his mistake is actually yours for not originally ordering what he sent you.

Wednesday, 15 February 2012

It's hard to write the ha-ha's when you have the boo-hoo's

I have the boo-hoo's.
I feel rusty, and broken.
Since I got unbelievably sick in November (which I'm still recovering from) I've been having so many aches and pains it makes it difficult to work, live, be normal and blog.
Do I want to whine about my pain? No....Well, okay yes but I only want to whine at D, because whining is a sport where I obtain points for how red-faced and vein popping-outty he gets.
One day I really think I can make his head explode.

All my positive outlooks are now becoming fatalistic. Sure it's a nice day today but just you just wait until tomorrow.
I'd just pulled myself out of this funk last week (and finally returned to work) when I then fell down the stairs.
Funk returned with a vengeance.
And the stupid doctors put me on a new medication, which by their admission I don't really need 'but it's worth trying to see if it makes me better', and all that stuff has done is messed me up and made me really poorly again.

The world is lucky that I don't have access to missiles or a zombie army as with all the pain and PMT I'm having, I'd have probably launched them by now.
(Did I really just say that on the internet?)

So when I look at the shiny new thank-god-we're-alive world around me. I don't see unicorns and rainbows. I see ... well.. snow, but under the snow I see mud and slime and owies.

So to recap - everything sucks, I'm trying to explode D's brain, and I possibly made a faux pas internet statement.

I can usually pull myself out of such a mood, and am normally very optimistic, but things have become so quagmire-ish that I just can't seem to get outta this funk. Just as I pull my hand free, my waist sinks a few more inches.
I really need a vacation, or a girl's day to just eat, vent, get drunk, samba to the tango and then giggle all the way home. Most importantly I need to laugh, proper belly laugh, so if anyone has any films they can recommend for the intelligent ha-has please do.
I hate having the boo-hoo's

Friday, 10 February 2012

Workmen and Cat Questions

Today I was due to get my boiler fixed by a local plumbing firm - at one point I had four plumbers in the house all staring at the same boiler...
The whole time Roarke meowed, stared and generally attempted to exercise his powers of mind control.
He seemed completely uncertain as to why these four men - these four men he had allowed into his home - weren't sitting, snuggling, scratching and cuddling him.
Even worse.. they had blocked his route to the food bowls by pulling out the evil washer*

For an entire hour I was assaulted by cat question after cat question - meow this, meow that, 'why aren't they stroking me and telling me I'm awesome yet' meow.

Roarke is currently lucky that I didn't shut him in the boiler.

* When we first moved in someone, (D) didn't put the cold water pipe into the washer properly. The first time we used it the pipe shot off and sprayed cold water at the kitchen door, where incidentally Roarke was sat. The force of the water pinned him to the door. (it was really funny for us, not him)
He spent the following week jumping three feet in the air just to get past the washer to his food.

Wednesday, 8 February 2012

The I in iPhone is for insomnia

Our iPhone is determined to keep us awake. After twelve email notifications over twenty minutes we finally figured how to turn the darn thing on silent after which point el iPhone decided to send bright beams of light across the ceiling in the way of lightning to inform us that a new message had been received. Even after we brought the old phone back in to act as official waker-upper and relegated iPhone to the bedside draw it chose to use that opportunity to vibrate at us the news of new emails.
iPhone now sleeps downstairs at night.
iPhone sleep deprivation may also be why I fell down the stairs on Monday and have subsequently spent the last few days laid on the sofa like a turtle who can't get back up, my coccyx is NOT amused.
D being D keeps the iPhone just out of my reach and then snickers to himself when I try to get it.

Tomorrow I am supposed to take a three hour train ride....am desperately trying to buy children's inflatable swim toy or hemmarroid ring from eBay to make journey bare able.
Stupid coccyx.

Saturday, 4 February 2012

Omg I has iPhone

Yes iPhone woot finally a way to blog on the go, although so far I have used my iPhone only to download 100 free game aps ... And I've had the phone for two hours .... Imagine what I could achieve by not sleeping tonight ...