Tuesday, 31 May 2011

Cat Mafia?

There is a grey cat in my garden as of late. This is the same grey cat that I threatened to capture and abandon 30miles away - I'll perhaps explain that one another day.
It's been taking advantage of my girls and their naivety, I often see him disappearing in my garage meowing and they just trot along after him. I really need to have that talk with them about the "bad boys" of the feline world, and "just say no".
Now my boy cat has put up with this for only so long, every night he has been demanding to go out at 5pm just so her can go "rumble" with this cat. I have no idea why though since I always find him yowling, submissive and crouched under something while being beaten up, and last night was no different.
I came down the stairs to hear a massive cat fight outside, I threw the front door open and mr grey had pinned my darling Roarke to the ground underneath a car. I strode out...(in a see-through nightie no less) umbrella in hand and attempted to beat mr.grey off-of my property.
He left, more because he decided to, than because I actually achieved anything, and poor Roarkle came in acting like it was all a fuss over nothing when I could clearly see he'd literally wet himself.

This morning all three cats were anxious to get out of the front door, we opened it and there on the doorstep was a dead mouse. All three cats immediately adopted a crouched "ears back" stance, as if they had just been gifted a dead horse head, and refused to step outside.
Now I don't know exactly what the dead mouse means, whether it is an offering of love (yeah right, why buy the cow when you get the milk for free) or ...given the reaction...a promise of death. Cat Mafia maybe? I wonder where we humans fit into their payback plans. Can cats start fires? Maybe I'll just go test the smoke alarms....or maybe we really need a puppy now.

UPDATE: On further inspection the dead mouse's head has been cleaved in two.....

Friday, 27 May 2011

Busy, busy, busy

I've been busy working today and got very bored of listening to myself type, so I youtube'd the word MUSIC and here is what i FOUND, enjoy :D

Thursday, 26 May 2011

Is it technically work if it involves colouring in?

This actually took an entire afternoon (can you believe) but is a rudimentary sketch of the store layout so I can begin sourcing custom bookshelves, just a taster of the things happening in my life right now, it's all very busy and exciting, we view again to measure up on the 7th, after that it's all about funding and costings before we make a final decision.

Wednesday, 25 May 2011

I'm a growned-up

I'm all grown up today.
I have viewed some empty shop units....yes I want my own shop...and nothing made me feel quite as grown up as it did to be enquiring about rates, laws, insurance etc. I mean what child EVER went shopping - literally.
(one shop unit has a built-in SAFE - I think I slightly appeared less grown-up chanting - that is so AWESOME to the realtor). I conducted market research...which reminded me of being in school on a fieldtrip, and then I felt even more grown-up writing my first ever cheque and if that wasn't enough...I also applied for my driving license...watch out roads I'll be manoeuvring badly round you soon!

The last time I attempted driving my dad took me down a country road six years ago... I nearly drove us into a ditch by my positioning, and all those years of video games served me badly when the car didn't respond to my twitch of the wheel and while my dad was laughing at me telling me I have to turn it more than that. Damn you ridge racer!

I'm very excited about shoppage, it's an expensive move which will require a business development loan to cover a bit of extra stock and the shelving but it's a step I really want to take...as long as it's the best financial option. Really feel that I need to drive first though.
Grown-up view aside....
It's so pretty, and big, and light and airy and just how I imagined my shop would be and it's great and awesome and I can see myself there. And I want it.

Tuesday, 24 May 2011

How Roarke got disowned (and why you shouldn't piss mummy off)

When Roarke was but a wee kitten I disowned him. Obviously things worked out okay (he may have some abandonment issues) but he's now a permanent member of our household. It definitely taught him to fear the wrath of mummy.

Back when Roarke was a kitten we hadn't long been in our new home. I'd done masses of laundry ready for our new wardrobes to arrive and it was all sat in a cardboard box in the corner of the living room. Now this box was massive, like the kind you might buy a washing machine in and I had filled it to the brim with clean clothes, ready for the iron.

One night we were sat watching TV when we noticed that Roarke had hopped into the box, I went over to scoop him out and what did I discover.....I discovered that he was PIDDLING all over my laundry. Well I was furious and told him so, he watched me dolefully as I discovered he had been doing his "business" in my laundry for at least a week and that the clothes underneath were ruined and cat-pee stinky.

I held Roarke up in front of me and told him "That's it, I don't love you any more you're no longer welcome in this house, and you can find a new home"
I walked across to the balcony door, opened it, put him down on the other side I shut the door, then proceeded to start putting all my laundry back into piles for washing while muttering expletives.
I'd hear the tiny kitten meows of him coming through the door and I'd remind him to go find a new home if he thinks he's going to wee on everything.
Throughout this D is doubled over with laughter at my anger and Roarke's attempts to apologise.
Eventually I opened the door again and Roarke stared up at me with his big ol' kitten eyes and I asked him. "HAVE YOU LEARNED YOUR LESSON?" I received a tiny "meow" so I scooped him up, told him I might be able to love him again and went back inside.

I have to say since that day he has been good as gold and the moment I say his name in an angry tone he's all apologetic. He knows the wrath of mummy is to be feared. and as I write this he is laid across my knee with a black smudge across his nose from some mischief or other.

Monday, 23 May 2011


A conversation I had with D's best friend, post rapture;

Grice: Ok, so about this 'The world's gonna end thing'... when exactly was it supposed to be again?
Me: Just before Doctor Who came on, I did dash upstairs to check that D was still there and hadn't been raptured, but then halfway up the stairs realised there wouldn't be much point checking...
Grice: If they were to take him and not me, I'd be mightily annoyed. But then, if they were to take me, I'd bne asking some serious questions of the selection process.
Me: I am still waiting for the giant cosmic joke where the rapture happens today, like a haha you got the date wrong "rapture NOW!" (I imagine that to be a bit like "Pokemon GO!" and everyone who was being stupid and laughing at the rapture...ahem...would have failed the big test.....oh yes....karma.
Grice: Well I wouldn't mind that so much as it will happen AFTER the end of the football season. Small comforts and all that.
Me: I'm pretty sure the rapture melts footballs
Grice: Dammit!

Ya'll better post so I know you survived....or is it just Grice, D and I left??? Cool, no lines at the movie theatre

Saturday, 21 May 2011

Friday, 20 May 2011


Well I've finally done the task on my 100 by 100 of completing an entire class without a break...but because the class was only 55 minutes long instead of 60 I feel like I've cheated and therefore have to have a do-over to get it to count. Not my fault class ended early but still..gutted.
On another plus I do get slightly out of breath in class but I'm no longer panting or dying so I feel fantastic. It has definitely raised my stamina levels :)

Thursday, 19 May 2011

WTF Britney

If you haven't seen it already...if you have, spare yourself the agony.

Here is a list of why her advert makes me want to rip my face off;

  • WTF did you go in a fortune parlour if you didn't want your fortune told
  • What do you think you're doing with those jewelled curtains...auditioning as a sex shop girl..oh yes you are
  • What does 'radiance' have to do with choosing your own destiny?
  • Why is there such a long pause between her asking the question and you responding
  • Again, what does 'radiance' have to do with CHOOSING YOUR OWN DESTINY!?!
  • At the end did you forget you fragrance wasn't called 'choose your own destiny'...cause it sure seems like you did.

    Stupid annoying plastic woman! This advert is driving me crazy and it's on at least five times a night, if it doesn't stop soon my TV is going to get to know the toolbox hammer, very, very well
  • Wednesday, 18 May 2011

    Cooking and me

    I find the hard part about cooking, is the cleaning up that comes afterwards.
    If I could trade that off on say...D...I'd cook a lot more from scratch, bake more bread, and cakes and cookies too.
    I have maintained my "new years rubbish" and have made more at home and ordered out less.
    Still time, tiredness and t..being lazy, hampers my plans of grandeur.
    Yes, I do make most of our meals and some of our treats from scratch, but there are some days, okay weeks, OKAY months when the memory of the giant piles of dishes once I complete this recipe entitled "1000 pots to wash" has me reaching for the take out menu.
    That, and the fact that their Sweet and Sour chicken tastes better than mine.

    Monday, 16 May 2011

    Cat vs Mouse

    So those of you who are faint hearted really should look away, this is my cat with a mouse.

    Things to remember:
  • We started filming because she was originally sleeping with it tucked in her tail.
  • Our filming disturbed her (she's a camera hog) and made her remember the mouse.
  • She's really dumb.
  • The grey mark on the mouse is just where she'd licked it's fur, it's not hurt.
  • The episode ended twenty minutes later mouse 1 cat 0.
  • It's better with the sound on.

    We fished it out of the back of the dryer...eventually...and then it outsmarted Kitalpha in the garden and escaped to the vast grey freedom of our shed.
    It's fine.
  • Saturday, 14 May 2011

    Gee thanks blogger

    Thanks for deleting my last three posts and their comments while you had your "network troubles", that's not annoying at all (note the sarcasm?). You're lucky I make back-up copies, and you'd better have fixed my comments or I'm gonna cheat on your ass.

    Friday, 13 May 2011

    Zumba, schmumba

    This is the SECOND time in the past two week's that I've turned up for Zumba, and waited for 30 minutes before finding out...it's not on.
    Seriously, can you not like call us, or put a sign up or SOMETHING, gees.

    So tonight I walked home past the corner shop

    Screw the salad I bought before Zumba, that's going in the trash, and then i'm going to eat all the chocolate at. once. without taking a breath, and then that'll show her!

    I've also taken the time to do a little on-line shopping for the Zumba game for the Xbox Kinect, so HA! Zumba lady, you'll have my money and disappointment no longer. (Well okay, a little longer while I wait for the game to arrive, but then, NO MORE!)

    I will be avenged, no one but D makes me eat chocolate bar after chocolate bar as a way of supplementing my rage towards my MIL...wait...what was I saying...right, Zumba, schmumba.

    @*@SuGaR cOmA@*@

    Thursday, 12 May 2011

    Mind, Body and Soul

    Working full-time from home has greatly affected my "free-time," mainly because I never truly leave my workplace at the end of the day. Now I usually "poo-poo" some of the "spiritual stuff" but all the same I've decided to set aside three hours a week, for my Mind, Body and Soul.
    Mind - Learn something new, or devote an hour to reading. Body - devote an hour to working out (zumba) and Soul - spend some time just drawing, writing, painting, playing music or just sitting outside and enjoying the space.
    The main reason for my MBS quest is to find some me-time. It's far to easy to disappear into "work-mode" and not just enjoy the fact that I'm self-employed, and therefore can have some freer time.

    So, my first aim in the "Soul category is to complete this painting;

    This is supposed to be a picture of sunflowers (when I'm done) so far only the centre of the flower is completed, that's the trouble with oil paints, you have to layer them...or so I'm told. Which is why the leaves have no depth or shaping.
    Now understand I have almost zero artistic talent...but you already knew that from my previous drawings...but I want to spend a few hours creating something for no practical use, just for fun.
    This painting is also from my "spag-bol" period, if you can see the marks where I accidentally splashed the canvas with my tea one night. When I'm famous that will make it worth millions...if I remember to sign it.

    (A few people have been having trouble leaving comments, I've smacked blogger around the room a bit and it's now allowing all comments again...I hope...click below and see if it's working or if I need to pound on blogger some more)

    Wednesday, 11 May 2011

    Me want!

    I was browsing Ebay over the weekend, trying to find a leather bound journal.
    For a long time I've wanted to start a "family history" book of the dead to be passed down through the generations to preserve the knowledge and memories of those who have gone before us. I have finally found the perfect book.

    If you want to check this baby out, you can do so Here
    So what if it's nearly £200 (ouch) with this book I can finally pretend to be in Charmed. (Please note you only need to click that link if you've been living under a rock for the past 15 years)
    It's probably never going to be affordable and I'll have to find a cheaper, smaller tome for our memories, but creating a book to be passed down through the generations has made my 100 by 100 list. Sure I might need to also add, 'Practise handwriting legibly' and 'learn calligraphy' to the list if it's ever going to look as impressive as I imagine, but passing something like this down is important to me.
    I don't want my future children (if they ever decide they do want to be born) to not have a tangible part of their past, and I also don't want to forget those who passed before us, they were an integral part of who we are now.

    Tuesday, 10 May 2011

    Dream snacking

    Last night I dreamt I was in a queue for the best looking cake ever, when D's alarm clock went off and woke me just as I was finally getting a slice of the cake.
    I woke up screaming NOO! and clutching desperately for the tail end of my dream.
    Here is my artistic rendering of the awesome cake;

    It. looked. wonderful.

    D mocked me with comments like "I can't believe you dreamt you were queueing...that's so boring.."
    I showed him though. I went out at 8:30am to a little bakery two miles away and I brought myself this;

    It's no chocolate meringue cake...well at least not yet it isn't...and did I mention..they are all MINE

    Monday, 9 May 2011

    Workmen - things I have learnt

    As you may recall my MIA-ness from last week was caused by workmen, and finally they are finishing up the job today.

    I have learnt a few things from my time with them;
    a) NEVER agree to them leaving to return in a couple of hours...they won't come back
    b) They think leaving their toolbox with you is worth a day's pay...even if they weren't there to open it.
    c) They always have some silly excuse as to why they didn't come back the day before or bother calling you
    d) You will never be so quiet, or so tidy as when workmen are in your home
    e) Suggesting to them, you don't care what the new light fitting is, so long as it is brighter than the current fitting, is the BEST route to take.
    f) They will install the downstairs fire alarm in the stupidest place possible.

    and most importantly;

    This all goes back to 'Jeff's' Secret listeners comment** and is also the reason I used to shut D in the furthest room from the toilet with loud music and threaten him to stay put or else.
    The workmen must think I had some bladder issue with the sheer amount of time I spent making trips to the toilet...never to actually 'use' the facilities.

    Even worse, we've been quoffing massive quantities of D's home-brew which has made everyone into a walking whoopee cushion.
    I've purposefully positioned myself in front of an open window, just so the workmen don't have to deal with me not being as "feminine" as I could be.
    Hopefully they'll leave for lunch soon, it's been three hours and my internal organs are threatening to implode.

    **You always have to be quiet as there are secret listeners every time you go to the toilet.

    Friday, 6 May 2011

    We've been busy...

    For Christmas I brought D his own beer brewing kit, and we've finally been brewing it.

    Can't you just see that on the bottles...whaddya mean no?

    We've brewed 5 gallons of the stuff and have named it 'HolinDbrau' it's all ready to share with our friends this weekend and let them, as D put it "enjoy the malted delights from under our stairs." I'm not a beer lover but I like that it's mostly flat and very strong...makes a good beer shandy.

    Thursday, 5 May 2011

    Masquerade Ball

    I finally tick something off my 100 by 100 list.

    The masquerade ball was wonderful! The people were friendly, the dresses gorgeous and the masks very fancy.
    I met a kindred spirit, (D's Boss) when D asked me what I wanted to drink and I proclaimed (loudly) "RUM! I want to be a PIRATE...arr." Bossman then said "Aww I want to be a pirate too, and shared the sad tale of how his wife binned all this pirate stuff. Then a kid turned up in an alien costume and mask and we both went "I want to be an alien!" See guys, we're SOULMATES

    There was a professional photographer taking photos through the night, he gave me his business card and said "I've taken loads of pictures of you, here is the website so you can check them out"
    Oh yes, I am supermodel material....when wearing a mask.
    Hence the partial delay as I wanted to borrow liberate my images!

    So here are two photos we took, pre-drunkness

    Yes I made D's mask, and how did I hear you ask, did I paint it? Why I painted it with BLACK SHOE POLISH. I am awesome. D's face didn't fall off so apparently shoe polish is a perfectly acceptable mask paint.

    I altered my mask by cutting, gluing etc. and made the back of it, however the general outline already existed. But since I took four hours to make it "better" I class it as homemade

    Now enjoy the professional pictures of the day, and excuse D's blacked-out face since he's shy.

    Yes, we are walking like an Egyptian in the last photo.This is my favourite professional one that was done, think I might get a print of it for the dining room.

    Wednesday, 4 May 2011

    Apologies for the delay

    I'll take this message down once we're sorted but straight out of the bank holiday clutching my pictures of the great evening in my grubby hands, we've had a power outage and will be cut-off for today as well, should be back to normal tonight/tomorrow can't wait to share the pics with you all!!!

    Back soon!