Wednesday, 30 November 2011

Preachy for a change

When did British = Bitter? That's all I hear now; that and I want, I deserve, I need. Let me remind you of what Ghandi and others have said;
 "A nation's greatness is measured by how it treats its weakest members. -- the last, the least, the littlest."
As Humans we depend on others for co-operation and compassion to survive, every other creature on the planet promotes the survival of the fittest and the weak or injured are left behind. That's what sets us apart. Lose your compassion and you start losing your humanity.
Why is it people are too blind to notice that EVERYONE is in the same boat and just sitting by demanding someone else takes responsibility is childish.
Can nobody remember when such anger and hate towards a scapegoat created a genocide which killed thousands of innocent people?
And can everyone stop having a go at the asylum seekers, the clue is in the name they - came here to avoid DEATH, WAR, MURDER, RAPE and STARVATION - they came to us to save their LIVES and you begrudge them some food, heat and a place to live while they try to understand a new countries language, customs and how to survive in it.


Today I am disgusted with the feed on my book of face. You racist, money grubbing, disgraces. I am ashamed to even class you as acquaintances - let alone friends and colleagues.

And for the rest of you I write this today only because I cannot stay silent any longer, to stay quiet is paramount to agreeing, and seeing so much hate and bitterness from people everyday is becoming distressing. This is not a world I am happy to live in and I am no longer willing to sit by while the people with the louder and angrier voices get to have their say and shape our society.

Tuesday, 29 November 2011

My keyboard is editing my thoughts..

Every now and then in the world we come across different people or things which CRUSH our creative outpourings. This is seemingly par for course - yet none of us expect to find this coming from inside our homes.
Now before you all start pointing the finger at D and throwing cabbages and spoiled fruit let me tell you, for once it isn't D - in fact D has been off work sick and treated to the one-woman comedy show that is my life - laughter IS after all the best medicine.
No the traitorous little censorship monkey is none other than my keyboard. It doesn't seem to matter which key I actually press, my keyboard is dead set on writing words different to the ones I am typing. AND NO IT'S NOT MY CHUBBY FINGERS MASHING THE KEYPAD - I don't HAVE chubby fingers so shush those of you heckling from the peanut gallery.
I can write the word go - which becomes the word do. K's are magically appearing mid-words like whale and bare. Words where I'm not even near a K on the keyboard.
I have begun to wonder if perhaps the keyboard (just spelt kayboard) is trying to communicate with me, and send a special message. But as soon as I begin taking note of the letters it chooses to type they only ever come out as an anagram of kayboard....I mean keyboard again.
At least it isn't saying things like "I know your pin number, I'm going to steal all your money" - unless it just did then...hmmmm

Saturday, 26 November 2011

Tuesday, 22 November 2011

Love and other Drugs

So I'm on a new course of pills from today. Big scary massive pills that threaten to choke me, luckily though D has smashed the pills into more manageable pieces so we won't have another case of 'oh god I'm being suffocated' like we did last time.
I don't remember who gave me the useful pill swallowing tip - and am too lazy to go back and look it up - of staring at the ceiling. Well this worked for me, for a short time, until one day I couldn't remember how to swallow, the water I'd gulped to help sat at the front of my mouth as the pill rolled into my throat. I thought I was dying and began to panic when, by some herculean effort, my throat managed to contract all by itself and swallowed the pill for me, while I was still screaming obscenities in my own head.
So then I decided I was some kind of amazing medical marvel - right up until I remembered lots of people dry-swallow and that's probably how they do it.

So today I've taken the first pill in my three-month course and am already imagining I have blurred vision (a side-effect) and dizziness, a mere thirty-seconds after swallowing.
But everything DOES look blurry round the edges, and I'm not sure if that's my eyes, the lighting, impending cataracts or the medication. But while I can still read I guess it's not that serious, and by that I mean call a frikkin' ambulance I'm going blind.

This is just like the time bleach splashed up into my eye and I got laughed out of the emergency room for going to them about it - but that's WHAT IT SAID TO DO ON THE BOTTLE. Gees.
Apparently that guideline is just for those of us who accidentally pour the bleach directly into our faces. And of course, for legal reasons.

I have to go now, not only have I written the word swallow far more than any non-porn-related post ever should, but I've now developed a ringing in my ears....or is that the doorbell.

Thursday, 17 November 2011

Back Soon

Total Christmas rush is happening in my business and as delightful - and tiring as it is, I don't really have any interesting highlights of my last few days - other than packing a gazillion orders that have seemingly appeared out of no where.
Who knew, I stock all the cool stuff!
As soon as things calm down, and something interesting and non bubble-wrap related happens, I'll be blogging about it. But for now a delivery van has just pulled up outside...a very BIG van - see I can't even make it five minutes into a blog without the business taking over so I must dash now, but hopefully I will get a lull on Saturday and update then! (And hopefully something interesting happens by then, other than me forgetting to do chores, and trying to do laundry around work) - I'm such an exciting daredevil!
Or else, well I'll be forced to explain to you all, how to use the washer and just how many times to kick the door to get it to work properly....
Thrilling stuff eh!

Tuesday, 15 November 2011

Gingerbread man party at my house!

I made my first - ever - gingerbread men last night. And they cooked perfectly - apart from D not greasing the oven tray so they would come off easily (but he's learning so we'll let it go).
I'd have taken a picture but they wouldn't come off the tray in one piece, and then since I had red icing I started colouring them in like they'd been in a car wreck, a limb here, a delicious bit of frosting there...

Let me tell you through, prior to death, they looked awesome. I had struggled to fit them all onto a baking tray so to make room I'd arranged them;

  • Doing the splits
  • Legs together lent against the side of the tray
  • legs bent backwards
  • doing a cannon ball
  • diving
  • jumping (somehow this guy's legs were twice as tall as everyone else's)
  • Having a piggy-back

Then I decided that  maybe the problem was the cutter I was using - which was clearly made by the devil since as soon as you cut the fellows out, their legs and arms clung to it like some kind of torture rack, and I had to prise all their limbs out with a knife....(this might explain bullet 6)
So I scooped out my good ol' halloween cat cutter and started making the gingerfolk some pets - pets which were half their size.
They also looked good but I kept cutting their tails off to try keep them in size proportion.

As you can see the gingerfolk on the right,
 has been mauled by the large Cat on his left.

Monday, 14 November 2011

Learning to drive....again

So I had my first lesson again today. At the start my instructor (i think in an attempt to calm/sympathise with me) said that he thought I wasn't quite ready for my test, and could have done with an extra couple of weeks of practise blah-blah.
But by the end of my FLAWLESS lesson he said, actually you're just fine you made next to no mistakes today and I think it's just nerves that got you.
Talk about a U-turn opinion.

I'm probably going to re-take the test next year, I really don't like the idea of it, but it has to be done, I have been told to go to my doctor first and get something to help calm my nerves.

On lighter notes I made my first even sewing project - and forgot to share it with you! - Don't laugh, I've never made anything before ever.

He's not quite finished, but he's my first ever attempt and I love him! I've since learnt how to make a bauble (now a cat toy) and I'm currently making a hanging star for our Christmas tree!
I have been bitten by the Crafting bug!

Wednesday, 9 November 2011

Who needs a mirror when I have D!

D and I were browsing some photos on the book of face when we came across a girl in a really stupid pose and outfit who had given her picture the caption "When I feel good inside and out I take a picture to remind me how I felt to look at when I'm feeling down"

I started sniggering...

D: What?

Me: Well when I'm feeling down I just look at you and remember it could be worse....

D pushes me off the sofa and I land on my bum laughing my head off while he chuckles at me.

Tuesday, 8 November 2011

Jangling nerves monster vs shrimp Girl

I took my test on Saturday, and I failed. Ironically I failed for driving too close to parked cars, which is something I'd been taught to do - well up until I found out that's why I'd failed and my instructor suddenly said "ah I thought that might be a problem" It took all my self control not to turn to him and say, well YOU told me to stay close.

That aside, if they'd passed me I'd have been worried. The lesson before my exam my instructor took the opportunity to teach me BRAND NEW THINGS making me very unsure of my abilities.
As soon as I began the test I felt the nerve jangling monster reach up from it's nest in my stomach, coiling it's limbs around my heart, mouth, joints and proceeding to shake me uncontrollably from side to side.
I struggled to do even the simplest thing, finding gears was an action of the past. I even got three minors for steering, as my instructor said there is no way I can get minors for steering so obviously I was a wreck.
I drove in no gear, in the wrong gear, the whole time trembling so hard my foot kept falling off the clutch.

It was horrible.

The guy testing me though was very kind, he gave me extra tries at my questions (I was too nervous to answer properly) He knew I was nervous and several times told me, just put it behind you and don't let it affect the rest of your test.
Every time we did anything though he was write,write,writing away in his little book which put me in a state of paranoia
scribble, scribble *oh god what did i do wrong then* scribble scribble *god what did I do then i thought that was okay scribble scribble *why is he still writing!*

To not write my own abilities off completely - I did ACE my manoeuvre (at this point I'd gotten a sod-it attitude and just whacked the car back) and my independent driving (where they tell you a  location and you follow the signs there)  went fine, because I could drive alone and with no pressure.

When the test ended I waited for the examiner to leave then burst into tears, not because I failed but because I'd been so nervous and scared for an entire week, I'd not been eating or sleeping properly and it was the relief of tension that it was over. I'm really not looking forward to trying again though.

Thursday, 3 November 2011

Men and Mo-vember

Warning, this is probably going to offend some people (D) and if you are easily offended (D), just don't read on, simples right? If you DO read on and you DO get offended, that's on you (D). This is my space and I can sit around naked talking crap if I want to....wait....what?

It's going around Facebook and D's work at the moment that November is the month where, to raise awareness of testicular cancer, men grow themselves a moustache.

I hate things like this.

No I'm no Pogonophobic, I just do NOT understand how having facial hair raises awareness for something.

What would raise awareness is having "testicular cancer is one percent of all diagnosed male cancers, check yourself" tattooed on your forehead, wearing a massive t-shirt or sign, and even maybe walking around bottomless (if you're male) with a "how to check yourself" poster. Simply donning a beard in no way actually raises awareness.

I hated it when breast cancer awareness month came around and some idiot decided we should "write down where we have left our handbag but not explain why" so Facebook was filled with "I do it on the floor" "I do it on the stairs" yet participants were instructed not to reveal the secret behind what the posts were talking of, so how exactly DOES THAT RAISE AWARENESS???
Another year it was "write the colour of your bra as your Status, but don't tell anyone why.."
You know what raises awareness better than facial hair, random colours and locations being facebooked?

Everything else.

And just trust men to come up with a way to "raise awareness" that involves even less effort than normal day-to-day activities.
Woman walk, jog or run for breast cancer to raise money for the cure amongst other publicised activities, and men....they just stop shaving for a month. Well guys - we know you didn't like doing that anyway, kudos for putting in the minimum effort required.

I mean it's not as if we are going to look at every person with facial hair and go 'WOW that raises my awareness for testicular cancer!' So many men have facial hair even when it's not November, we're probably not going to really notice.
The only person who will notice is your wife/girlfriend who will tell you to shave the damn thing off and go up to the hospital and get that suspicious-looking testicular lump you've been avoiding looked at already.

(By the way, anyone being sponsored to grow a moustache to raising money for Testicular Cancer research is a-okay to me, that makes sense, sort-of...I mean, you couldn't do a sport? No? Okay, but it's the other "huh,uh,huh I'm gonna grow a moustache *snort* cause I hate shavin'....I mean, for testicular cancer awareness *snort*" guys that drive me nuts....D is borderline becoming one of these guys, for all the lazy reasons aforementioned)

If you would like to raise your own awareness on testicular cancer please go here.  If you would like to raise awareness for others about testicular cancer, then please share the link; just don't dye your hair, braid your beard or start growing a moustache, or December will be 'Santa only left you a razor and wax strips for Christmas - you hairy yeti' month.

You know what else I'm going to do? Every imbecile who tells me "uhhuhuhhuh I'm growing this fuzz to raise awareness for testicular cancer" is going to be asked to provide me with THREE facts/pieces of info on testicular cancer. Those who can't answer will receive three quick kicks to the crotch.
Now THAT will raise awareness.
(if not of testicular cancer, at least of avoiding me, win,win)

Wednesday, 2 November 2011

Make me a good driver.. pleeeease!

My test is soo soon and I'm going from feeling capable to believing I'll crash.
I attempted reversing round a corner for the first time the other day and it went fine, I also did a turn in the road which, umm wasn't too great but my third attempt really was good.

Then I did them again many times can you mess up turns out the answer is many.
I hit the kerb, mounted the kerb, turned the wrong way, went too fast, went the wrong way and on and on. Now I'm getting worried that I'm only just being taught this stuff and my exam is on SATURDAY, SATURDAY d'ya hear me SATURDAY.
I'm doomed, DOOMED I tells ya. 
So you can all go return your party frocks and you may as well eat my celebration cake too, I'm probably going to fail, based on either the manoeuvre I'll mess up, or the complete flap doing the manoeuvre puts me in for the rest of my test.  

And all I can think is "this test is so expensive, you'd better pass" "you need to be able to drive already" "if you don't pass now you won't get to try again till the new year and then it'll be too late" over and over.

/ End of freak-out.

Tuesday, 1 November 2011

Crafty winds are blowing

I've always wanted to be crafty and talented at sewing, and now that I'm on the market stall and the weather is fast turning chilly, I decided it's time to start trying my hand at a few projects and maybe even make that quilt on my 100 by 100 list!
Part of my reason behind this is all the fairs I sell at I'm surrounded by crafters, and it's making me slightly ashamed that I'm NOT making all my own decorations etc. And these ladies are so talented, surely some of it can rub off, right?
Well I'll tell you one bit that has rubbed off.....the bit where I get to shop for new supplies for my hobby (that by the time they arrive I might not be into any more)

So I've ordered some felt and flame-retardant stuffing to make a few Christmas decorations and a baby toy, I'm drooling over buttons to add later. I'm trying to learn how to make a sock monkey (thanks to the craft set I sell at work) and I just found these wonderful pre-cut squares for less than £3 including shipping. EXCELLENT!

Now if someone reading here is crafty, please alert me now if hand-sewing them is the worst possible idea, I don't own - nor understand - how to use a sewing machine and if I really need one, please give me a heads-up.
I'm sure my need to suddenly be crafty may pass but surrounded by crafty souls I'm catching the bug!