Wednesday, 22 December 2010

Ham-pers and the milkman

Today D got THIS rather spiffy hamper from work;

(it pays to work in a meat factory at Christmas)

I have BIG plans for that humongous joint of ham (oh I'm sorry D says apparently it's 'gammon' because ham is cured and gammon is salted and cured...*rolls eyes*)...plans that include seeing which one of us can eat the most ham without dying :)

As D had his hamper we decided it was time to get the milkman's gift sorted. Now the problem we have is that a) we never see mr. milkman and 2) we live on a main road. D has already told me that my plan of leaving his christmas fudge outside alone is just ASKING for a robbery so I came up with a couple of suggestions.

Designing a mini map and then hiding the fudge so well that even the milkman can't find it

Taping the gift to the milk bottles using...yes...electrical tape
I figured a burglar would go "oh no i can't steal it without taking the milk bottles, dammit I'll have to leave it where it is"
Then I realised that this "plan" relied heavily on the burglars being complete morons.

So I have settled for what I believe to be the BEST idea ever....I have placed a christmas card to "the milkman" on the box of fudge and stuck it outside...

The card reads;

To Mr. Milkman,
Merry Christmas and a Happy new year, thanks for delivering our milk for the last year particularly when it was very snowy! Many thanks from # 71.

(P.S Just in Case; Dear thief, how DARE you steal the milkmans christmas present, you SUCK we hope YOU have a terrible christmas!)

I just hope whoever gets the fudge has a sense of humour and that burglars don't egg my house :)


  1. Wow, you all have a milkman that delivers milk to your house? That's unheard of here now. Many, many years ago they did.

    I bet fudge mailed in a parcel, say to the USA, wouldn't get stolen...just sayin'.

  2. I can't think of a solution to the mailman-present conundrum because I'm still drooling over the ham-per. And this is even after eating a cheeseburger yesterday that was so massive it actually gave me the meat-sweats... are you sure you're not Jewish? 'Cause if you were, you could send that ham to me...

  3. Certain hoody-hoo D's already thinking we can eat the whole thing in 3 days...

    Yes Laura and I used to work for them too :) costs a bit more than the regular price of milk - but not by much - and it's worth it for the service he provides :)....and the fact I don't have to pay up until the end of the month