Tuesday, 28 June 2011

The 4 worst movies that totally sucked but had one redeeming moment

These movies are, in my impression, a total waste of a rental space. We've watched them, usually based on brilliant reviews and by halfway through we've wanted to stab the reviewer. 5 star comedy my ass!
In all truly terrible movies there is a moment (usually only one) which uplifts our attitudes for a few seconds. It can be bizarre, funny, cringeworthy or entertaining and it's usually what we remember about the movie - other than that it sucked. And because most of the redeeming moments are rude or crude, here is your "you must be over 18 to read-on" warning!

Here are my applicants for the '4 worst movies that totally sucked but had one redeeming moment.'

#4 'Lie with Me'
Terrible movie which wasn't so much a movie as porn. We, of course, didn't know this until we'd already got the darned thing playing and noticed the cast had never heard of a little thing called underwear.
Redeeming Moment: The guy had a teeny tiny little "appendage" it was so, so small I freeze framed the screen and tried to measure it. It's no bigger than a pack a gum and even that is a generous measure. This turned the film into a "OMG look at him, why would he make a porn movie if he doesn't have anything worth filming?" movie with me cackling and freeze framing. (it was my 21st birthday and I was a little drunk)
Since then the lead has appeared in many other films and shows. Usually not nekkid and as a baddie. I canNOT take him seriously as an actor, I've seen inside those trousers and there is nothing to fear about that baddie. That and his stupid hair cut and facial hair, you'd think he'd TRY to distance himself from 'lie with me' -- he's not PROUD of it is he?

#3 Sideways
We'd seen the trailer for sideways and it looked funny, even the DVD box gave it 5 stars for comedy. When we put the film on though we soon realised the ONLY funny moments were shown in the trailer, other than that the movie sucked.
Redeeming Moment: When they crash the car into the tree while drunk, it was featured in the UK trailer and was the ONLY reason we wanted to see the movie.

#2 Hamlet 2
This movie, again promised comedy and was just terrible. Imagine a really bad (or worse) version of glee and you've got it.
Redeeming Moment: The musical at the end, including the songs 'Raped in the face' (totally shocked us into hysterical giggles) and "rock me sexy Jesus" and not forgetting Hamlet (no idea why) fighting with lightsabre's.
Here's the trailer for you.

#1 Death to Smoochy
It promised to take the mickey out of Barney and other stupid kids shows, and oh how it failed, there are a few good moments but the plot is just terrible and could have been so much better. They turned Robin Williams into a bitter twisted character rather than a comically desperate one.
Redeeming Moment: Robin Williams dressed as a big purple dinosaur, singing to kids while intoxicated on liquor and barfing into his costume...best-clip-ever.

The three thing's I've learned:

1) If the trailer looks awesome the film will probably suck
2) Avoid anything that says "From the makers of Sideways"
3) 5 star-ratings are obviously paid for and mean a film sucks


  1. The one thing that saved Sideways for me was when Sandra Oh beats the living hell out of the jerk with her motorcycle helmet.
    I liked Death To Smoochy somewhat because Edward Norton being a dickhead somehow turns me on. Sad, ain't it?
    I want to see Hamlet 2, I have ever since I realized the lead guy is the same guy who played the oblivious director in Tropic Thunder, and I totally enjoyed watching him (spoiler alert) get blown to tiny bits. On the same "sad that it kinda turned me on" note, Tom Cruise as the hairy beast Les Grossman did the trick also.

  2. Oh yes that is good, but sandra oh annoyed me through the film, she's annoyed me ever since she was drunk at the oscars. Hamlet 2 looks like such fun on the trailer but the film draaaaags, the musicial is a blink and you'll miss it outrageous, but funny number. I can NEVER let my mum see that film.
    Smoochy could have been so much better I didn't spend enough time laughing!

  3. Seriously- the dumbest movie ever is "Knowing" with Nicholas Cage. Seriously. I can't even explain to you how stupid this movie is. Nick Cage has a knack for stupid films. I totally agree with your other picks, too.

  4. Oh yeah! that can have spot # 5 ....along with the day the earth stood still, they seem to be the same film anyway.