Thursday, 28 April 2011

Slugs, snails and puppy dog tails.

Tonight is the night of the masquerade ball and D could not be more unprepared. Currently he is going in trousers, no shirt, mask or date. All I have left to do is figure out my hair, get my dress steamed and bar any disasters I'm ready :)

My neighbour popped by today, he is polish and a bit rusty when it comes to English. He came by because he has a "slug problem" and wants to put slug killer down but thought he'd check with me first as it says to keep pets away.
I read the bottle's instructions which basically read "WILL CAUSE DEATH IF CONSUMED" every few lines. DEATH by
  • Eating
  • Drinking
  • Having near a food or water source
  • Leaving clumps in the ground
  • Putting in soil where you grow vegetables
  • Leaving near pet food sources
  • Using the container you mixed it in again
  • Letting children play with it
    and the list goes on...

    I've reluctantly agreed to him using it, so long as he lets me know when he does so I can keep my pets inside for a couple of days. I'm only concerned because he can't understand the instructions very well so he might "accidentally" kill the entire neighbourhood, and since my cats have been killing and bringing home a new mouse daily I'm concerned they might get poisoned by proxy.
    At any rate if he kills my cat, I'll kill his sister....that's how this thing works right?

    EDIT: I've made D's mask and now think I may be a talented artist... obviously getting up at 5am causes delusions.

    1. Cat. Sister. Yeah, sounds about right.

    2. Nope, if he kills your cat you get to kill his entire family. In front of him. By letting piranha fish eat their intestines. That's the law.

    3. Love the title of this post! I may need to watch Labyrinth this weekend.

      Are you going to post a pic of your mask?

    4. I have a mental image (might as well, so much room up there already) of the slug-killer-stuff bottle: "Lethal weapon in the wrong hands. Please do not leave near unattended children and disgruntled spouses who know how much insurance you're worth. Very deadly stuff indeed. In fact, you're likely dead just from reading this. Please do not read label. Oops. Too late. Then don't sue us when you turn up dead, caveat emptor and all that. Actually, just leave the store now and we'll forget any of this happened. What? You're dead already? Well, you won't worry about the damn slugs now, will you? Our work here is done."

    5. Good grief. Has the man never heard of salt? That seems much more humane.

    6. Hoody I will do that, and host it on youtube as evidence
      Thoughts oh yes many, many pictures of both masks and us fully dressed will be uploaded over the weekend (once I have crawled out from under the drunkeness of my night)
      Oh leeann I felt just the same, by the time I'd read it I had to go wash my hands...twice and brush my teeth...just in case
      ---------------- what let them melt in agony? You masochist you.