Monday, 11 April 2011

Dear, Mr. Ebay

Dear Mr. Ebay,

How does it feel to be sat in your solid gold mansion? Have you recently decided to remodel, landscape or maybe add an extra wing? Or perhaps, was your swimming pool of cash in need of a refill?
I only ask because for some, ridiculous reason, my fees have gone up. I know you too must be shocked and dismayed at this fact.
I discovered yesterday that for "some reason" a handful of my listings had been set to "gallery picture plus" costing me an extra £2.95 per item per month. And did you know that this had been automatically set up by yourself?
I had no idea you had such an interest in increasing my sales.
I really do wish you had spoken to me beforehand as most of the listings you added this "larger picture in search bar to increase sales" to didn't even have a picture.
I'm sure though that this was only an oversight. It's also unfortunate that you didn't think that perhaps the £25 a month charge was the difference between paying myself and my company going broke.
But don't let that ruin your afternoon swim in the cash pool.
I know we can't all be squillionaires and that your opinion of what matters and mine will differ, but perhaps you could leave the business decisions to me next time?

Yours Sincerely,

P.S. Thanks also for ending 100 of my listings. I see that this is because you have decided to alter shipping rates. I'm sure the message informing me of this change was hand-written by you and that the post man simply misplaced it.
I know you wouldn't have wanted to cause me any extra hassle or waste my time, and given your previous interest in improving my sales, wouldn't have wanted to end my listings unnecessarily. I'm sure that message will turn up eventually. In the meantime please enjoy the doll enclosed in this package. I made it in the likeness of you and I'm thinking of selling them on Ebay. Whatdya think?


  1. I'm beginning to think Mr. Ebay must be related to the "director" Michael Bay... because between them, they are responsible for all that is wrong in the world. And killing leopards.

  2. I want that voodoo doll. Is it one of your listings? I'd like to bid.

  3. Sadly no, as I want one too! I can get hold of some dolls but they are not nearly as good