Wednesday, 24 August 2011

Things that annoy me rant #789 (now with more aliens)

There are a few things I see in my travels around my world (tv/town/internet) that drive me freaking crazy.

a) The new movie trailer from Apollo 18.

(Our broadcast trailer doesn't even have this much info)

It comes out with such stupid lines as "Find out why we never went back..." or "Discover the real reason we never went back..."
COME ON NOW, there were 17 PREVIOUS missions to the moon which were fine (ish) but that 18th one, that one was the charm waking up some great big evil creepy thing. Seriously...I'm supposed to believe this. I think we didn't go back because the moon was done now and we moved onto Mars. Dumbass filmaking morons.

b) When people list something on-line as "priced to sell"

Well Duh, you didn't price it NOT to sell now did you?! Writing such stupid statements as the one above is what forces me to send you a private message offering a penny for all your stuff. You're desperate...I have the cash...I value it at just above FREE.

c) That stupid Detoll hand-pump advert

I think when I first watched this advert I thought "cool it senses you" for about four seconds before my brain went HUH?! Now I get that this would have been a great advert if they'd just tried to flog the pump as a gimmicky gadget. But here is where it goes wrong.... I'm about to use the soap to wash my hands so what does it matter if when I push the lever down germs get on my hands?
Was I REALLY the only person who realised that? According to my nearest and dearest - yes.

d) How the TV adverts have conned us for years into thinking that Limescale = evil germs.

This point on the bashing list was brought to my attention by D. The gist of the advert was playing on the idea that limescale in the toilet was a bug, a germ (when it isn’t). The graphic depicted an evil monster with a face and everything, which is certainly the opposite of a calcified build up of minerals.

CAPTION READS:  Use on pre-cleaned surface. The formula leaves a flush activated protective shield  all around the bowl, that repels limescale. (SEE IT'S EVIDENCE OF THEIR STUPIDITY)
Then, the voice over suggested that this limescale provided a bumpy surface on which germs will somehow be more harmful than on the smooth porcelain surface of the loo…. Which is also total rubbish, except from the perspective that a bumpy, undulating limescale patch will have a larger surface area than the smooth loo. Not that that's what the advert was talking about. No it claims that limescale is a big scary germ infecting your loo and making it dangerous.

**I broke the text here somehow and I don't know how I did it!**

e) How the Kindle and Ipad conned us and NO ONE NOTICED!!!

Again I seem to be the only person ON THE FREAKING PLANET who has realised what they have done. Please note I am not bashing the Evil Kindle or the Ipad here, but simply the marketing geniuses.
Let me explain what their original meeting was all about....
"We need to show that this is a really special item... I know books are big so let's show them how this massive book of 1000 pages fits on this tiny lightweight machine - it's genius."
And looked really impressive I mean that whole book all on this tiny device... until you realise you're not actually getting a book. Stay with me here.
There are no pages or binding or anything like that, what actually happens is they send you a text document, that's cool right...which you then read on this....document...reader... HANG ON. That's been happening for YEARS. It happens every time I turn my computer on (also just a giant document reader) or my phone, or hell any piece of software. It's not that special, so why the hell is it made out to be. Just because they are driving the whole "It's a book reader" thing it sounds impressive, but it really is just a glorified document reader.

** Please note: I may be currently suffering from PMT which may be why these things are driving me crazy....that and also because they are just plain stupid. Why don't we all just play some boggle and leave the grown-up decisions and writing of things to people who have more than half a brain. K?


  1. Hey, I spent a lot of my college education learning how to key in on peoples' thinking shortcuts and take advantage. And yes, we did do a lot of over the top maniacal laughing - MWA HA HAAAA!

    The Boy, by the way, loves living with someone in advertising because we watch and then discuss commercials. The ones that bug me are the foundation commercials that say the make up adjusts to the color of your skin. 1- make up can not adjust to your skin. And 2- what's the point of make up if it turns the same color as your skin? I'm trying to COVER scars people, not match them.

  2. Ahhh! That soap dispenser one infuriates me too! I lay awake at night going over the stupidity of that one.

  3. I just don't get it at all. I mean sure for hospitals maybe it's good but on the soap dispenser....why would that matter?!?

  4. Crap, it's Hoody Hoo, once again cast aside by the Comment Gods...
    I had to disengage my brain long ago during TV viewing time because the commercials are SO. DAMN. STUPID. And working in the media, I actually KNOW the sales-guy assholes who think this stuff is clever... IT'S NOT.

  5. Heeeeeey! I am clever. Really. Just don't ask my boss who reminds me, weekly, that not everyone thinks I'm funny.

    This, Hoody, is why you have been forsaken.

  6. Kitten Thunder's Girl, your boss doesn't think you're funny because he is a sales-guy asshole and therefore bereft of humor. You actually ARE funny to people whose brains are functioning... which are in short supply in this showbidness bidness!