Wednesday, 11 July 2012

Isn't it Ironic...

So for the past ten years, maybe even twenty, I have worried my bottom lip over whether my waistline is too "comfortable". I always worried in an offhand way, "today I look chubby, maybe I should do more sports, eat less candy." I didn't crash diet or do much in the summer other than start going to do more sports, (it was summer sports are fun in the sun) or spend more hours in the local pool. Then winter rolls round and I happily stuff my face with whatever I can get my hands on and at some point stare at my waist and wonder...."Do I look big in this?"

How ironic that now I'm pregnant with triplets I actually spend far more time worrying, "am I eating enough....should I eat more I getting big enough" I see pictures of my bump buddy - also having triplets and  7-14 days ahead of me, who looks far larger than I am. So then I worry my bottom lip again and get concerned that I'm not doing as well as I could be.

Week 14

The serious irony is looking at the above picture I marvel at just how tiny my waistline really was, particularly compared to now.
That said, size is subjective. After all, other than the odd glimpse of myself in a shop window or reflective surface all I see is my bump from the top looking downwards.
How ironic that people's comments of "gosh you look ready to drop" being replaced by comments of "you look so tidy, you'd never believe there were three in there" could cause such neurosis.

Week 24
It doesn't help that when I conceived it was just as I was recovering from my very, very poorly christmas time and that I was underweight at my first midwife appointment.
I guess as long as the weight gain continues (I was 9 stone1 at 8 weeks, then 11stone7 at 22+5 weeks) I shouldn't worry. But it's hard not to.

I know only I can bake these babies, (what tremendous pressure!!) and I hope we can get to 35+ weeks, but have no control over when my body has enough and it's not like I can physically force-feed the babies to fatten them up in case of an early arrival.

Obviously, I am growing and my bump (and hopefully babies) are growing well too. I am just experiencing nerves and paranoia that this may all be over before I or they are ready and I want to cook them for as long as I can. I want them to be able to, like any baby coast through their first few weeks, not fight for their lives.

Neurosis aside, the worst factor is not knowing WHEN the end will be. I can dream of reaching the gold topped pyramid of 37 weeks but very few triplets pregnancies progress past 33 weeks, for now the most I can do is hope, pray and continue my life as a sofa dweller.

On a very happy note now past the 25 week mark;
"If my babies were born today, they would probably survive the ICU, as their tiny lungs CAN breathe. This week they SHOULD (if they're good) start scootching out of breech and rotating into a head-down position for their grand entrance into the world."


  1. Looky there! I don't check for a couple days and get TWO posts. YAY for me!

    I assure you that even if I only have to carry one kid, when I am pregnant I will make your neurosis look like a light worry. I am going to FREAK.

    Uncertainty is the worst, isn't it? I can deal with any sort of horrible news and it is a relief after the uncertainty about whether things are actually going to be horrible. Or good. And, happily, it looks like you're going to be good!

  2. I know how productive am I ;) it's much easier to post now the danger zone has passed, both D and I were too afraid of losing the babies and that made it hard to write anything that didn't obsess over that lol

    I have really worried with my lack of appetite, but almost like a miracle I hit the third trimester and suddenly am eating most definitely for at least two lol

    It's definitely the uncertainty I hate, every day I end up thinking " today the day!?!"