Money Machine

I recently brought a new washer which I am now beginning to think was an absolute bargain as it is actually producing money...
At first I thought it was simply loose change from trouser pockets but it's been too regular...

Day 1 I empty the washer to find a shiny ten pence piece inside.

Day 2 I empty the washer again to find.....a shiny ten pence piece inside.

Day 3 I empty the washer and find a shiny ten pence piece sat in the door line.

(spooky) It's definitely not the same 10p since I now how a row of them sat above the machine,

and better yet now my dryer has even started producing money too....found 5p in it today, just need to get it add another couple of zeroes and I'm home free!

It's all an illusion

ME: What the....there's a bunny rabbit outside
D: What? (goes to look)
ME: No wait....it's a plastic bag

Brownie Points

I made Brownies today and two minutes after I put them in the oven I took them back out, poured them into a bowl and then added the egg....


I'm such an awesome cook....

If you go down to the checkout today......you'll meet a murderer

I managed to convince my friend Tinkerberry to purchase a fancy new party dress that she loved. So we are at the checkout of another shop and I tell her I will have to have an anniversary party so she can actually find an excuse wear it. She turns to me and says "You know I am so proud of you for not having left D or got divorced or anything yet, I am so proud of you" (please note not because I'm anti-man but because everyone we know seems to break up faster than they got married) So I joked "well yes there are still some nights I could quite merrily stab him while he sleeps but I've managed to control myself"
Checkout Lady: Trust me I know how you feel, I've done it twice
Me: *looking confused* Divorced?
Checkout Lady: No, I've stabbed him twice.
*silence*
Checkout Lady: Honestly
Me: Oh......
*cue crazed nervous giggling as we collected our goods and made a hasty retreat*

Never going back to see crazy checkout lady again.....don't worry if you end up in a store with her you'll know who to avoid...it's the lady with CRAZY stamped on her forehead.

How to avoid a Jehovah's Witness (Pt 2)

From sheer paranoia that if I try to hide when they knock they will still see me I have made had D hang curtains in my living room. This does have the plus point that if it wasn't for JW's my curtains would still be sitting in carrier bags at the bottom of my wardrobe waiting for D to fit them and the curtain pole, possibly for yet another three months.
1 point to JW's

How to avoid a Jehovah's Witness (Pt 1)

A week ago I had a knock at the door and it was the Jehovahs witnesses. Now I think I'm quite a nice person and I hate people who just slam doors in their faces so I listened to what they had to say, accepted their magazine and remained courteous. They were really pleasant and I didn't mind speaking to them but the whole time I was thinking "please leave, please leave, omg my neighbours can see me stood here why don't they help me!!"
I think this panic was instilled by my mother who always got vexed when they would come by.
Long story short, I gave them my first name - well it didn't seem an unreasonable request - and then my phone rang inside, I apologized and said I had to go and somewhere in my trying to leave and grab the phone I made some committal noise to them coming back again....since then I have been EXTREMELY paranoid that every knock on the door is them. I don't want to offend or upset them but I don't want to join their cult religion either.

I sold my soul...and for what?

Well if you've read the previous post you'll know we were planning on getting a Kinect.
Well the stupid store has sold out, we have saved and sold most of our worldly possessions to buy a new xbox (ours in its old age is having trouble reading discs) kinect and 4 games. Now I sold my crap for nothing. I've opted to "be emailed when this item is back in stock" but it came with a warning that makes me think it won't be back in stock any time soon and that the option only exists so they can spam your in box "we know you searched this xbox 360 slim but maybe you would be interested in new kenco coffee"...it's happened before. So now I log in at 7am daily just in case they restock them, don't email me, and some other grubby mitts get one first...