I'm having one of those panic moments where I wish I could just pause everything...
When did you get so big?
I've been happily going along singing, playing, feeding, changing ad infinitum, while lots of lovely new things happen each day, be it a smile, a new noise, finding ones own mouth or something exciting you never noticed before. We have been taking each day as it comes and sure we've let some things pass us by but we've definitely had more laughter than tears.
I fed Gaius today, boy is he heavy now, and his feet touch the sofa cushion while he's sat on my knee....when did that happen? Ayla fits into her newborn clothes and no one is in tiny baby clothes anymore....when did that happen? Zarek spends more time smiling than crying....when did that happen? Did I blink? Was I too tired, Did I not see?
I sniff the tops of your heads at every 6am feed, I inhale deeply, desperate to remember your warm baby smell before you grow...but I never can recall it.
I know you won't remember this time we share, and I'm starting to think I won't either as the more I want to preserve it, the faster it slips through my fingers and pictures don't do you justice....I guess it will have to be enough just to know that we lived it, to know I held you once, when you were tiny, for the very first time, how I bent my head and smelt you for the very first time. Even if I don't remember the smell of your head, I can remember that i sniffed your neck as you fed and ill remember I never wanted to forget it.