Wednesday, 21 January 2015

Truths about motherhood

No two people will ever, nor should ever walk the very same path.

I felt it was so important once I had my kids to tell people "i don't like newborns, or babies" once I had the pleasure of three living at home with me. This is me, the one who wanted kids FOREVER. I do not like those first few weeks of a newborn, stretched out by prematurity. But once your kid gets more dialled in, starts smiling and being more aware its fantastic. At age 2 my trio are now how i imagined having kids would be, as in I can actually do stuff WITH them and not just FOR them. Sure we had a lot of fun from 4-24 months but they are learning now, like big thirsty sponges eager to soak up any game, idea, book, word or song they can.

That hit you in the heart love when you meet your kids, never had it, didnt love my trio when I met them. I dutifully cared of them as I was their mother (or so they told me) but thats the end of it. It was different with Quinn, they showed me her the moment she was born and there was this feeling, this strange 'oh, there you are' emotion, this instant recognition - she was mine and I knew it. I never got that with my trio, let's blame it on an upsetting birth and traumatic first few days but some part of me has always felt broken and sad about that fact. Walking into a room not knowing which of the 15 babies were mine, I felt horrible, I felt I should have (but couldn't have) known which children were mine.

I am happy breastfeeding Quinn but really didnt like it when I was breastfeeding my triplets. It was very important to me they had breast milk but the never ending line of another baby needs feeding by you and you alone now was so very, very hard. After the first fortnight of all three babies home I kept thinking, it's someone else's turn now, I don't want to do this anymore, it's got to be someone elses go now. And then just as quickly, I got over it, had learnt to do it so well (and to take care of them better than anyone else) and realized no one else was going to come and do it for me anyway that I just got on with it and soon I didn't mind doing it anymore.
Feeding Quinn is different, she has at moments brought me to my knees with frustration but at 10 months she is once again (hallelujah) consistently sleeping through the night, on a firm routine and has always remained a compete joy. All those sweets she made me crave have definitely made her into a total sweetie.

Motherhood is both hard and glorious, and I cannot stand any mumpetition of "well my baby was already walking at 10 months, I see yours is 11 months and can only drool" which seems to be lurking everywhere. Each kid is unique, each milestone just as special for everyone, no matter when they occur, and each journey and life is so very different they deserve more credit than most give them.

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