Ode to Grandma D

 First written just before her death in January 2014, found today, and posting to keep it safe for future me.

I travelled to Lincoln Hospital yesterday to visit my Grandma the matriarch of our family, who is on her deathbed. A very emotional day. If it wasn't for this woman, for the choices, both good and bad she made, for the life she has led, my father and his brothers would not be here, myself and my sibling, our children, and those still to be born. We would not be here without her. 

How incredibly vital her life is, no matter how insignificant or small it may have seemed at times, how unbelievable epic and life changing it has been.

Three children, four grandchildren, twelve great grandchildren and two more on the way this year.

Technology is a marvellous thing though, my brother showed her pictures of his children on his phone, I showed her a video of my three laughing and giggling through breakfast while she stroked the screen and marvelled at just 'so many babies'. 

She told me I had my hands full. I smiled and tried to not reel off my usual comments instead telling her, 'I do Grandma, in the most wonderful way.' For a long time she just kept repeating, 'I don't know how you manage', over and over to herself, and ' you're having another baby, I don't know how you do it'

The irony of someone on their deathbed thinking that I had the worse deal in life was not lost on me, in fact it really made me smile :D everything she said came from a place of love and wonderment. She is baffled by how we are doing what she feels would be beyond her.

She is suffering now, I have never been one for euthanasia, but ten minutes into her begging us to end it, to stab her, to let her die I would have, gladly. 

My family have chosen to tell her she is getting better, it's a complicated decision and one the younger generation of our family don't agree with, she has possibly days, no more than weeks left. She has broken bones in her back, cancer in her spine, cancer in her lungs all diagnosed in the last week. It is highly unlikely she will live to see her newest great grandchild, I had been hoping she could hold on just long enough to meet the baby, but after seeing her suffering, well she is just waiting to die. And she has been waiting ten long years to go and join my grandad, it feels wrong to try to keep her here any longer.

I have many countless memories of the love and joy I felt in their house, of the chemistry set given to me one Christmas (along with directions for how to call the fire brigade and retreat to the bottom of the garden should black smoke appear) the dolls house they renovated for me, the sweets sneaked, the pebbles collected on the beach, the hours spent watching magic tricks and trying to foil them. The impromptu carol concerts and performances on their living room carpet, the conversations about gardening, the cuddles and the kisses.  

I am going to miss her, the last link to my Grandad and the strongest, most admirable woman, from the outside seeming so fragile and reserved, but forged from steel.

A million years ago

 Where did the time go? I've read back over previous posts and WOW so much time has passed, so many memories I would have forgotten had I not documented them here. I always say it doesn't feel likea  long time has passed, but reading all these stories definitely makes it feel longer. I now have eight year old triplets, and a wealth of funny stories that I hope to upload here as time allows. That said time with a sporting dog, four kids and a full time business is perhaps why I've not written as frequently in the past few years as I did before! I think I've actually missed it. I'm hoping to remedy the quiet years with a handful of updates from this year of 2020 and what covid-19 has done for our family, both for the better and worse.  

The Adventures of Calliope

Hello 🐾My name is: Calliope

My nicknames : Cali, Scallywag, SuperCalifragalistic, pupper, pup tart, pu-ppee (high pitched), pup pup boogie, cali-lally, butthead.
Whose a good girl, whose a good boy (I'm not sure she means me but I likes the praise), 'what's this' - she's usually looking at the kitteh but this is the bestest nickname as it has foods in it and if I use my super stare powers I can gets some. My hooman only says Calliope when I'm in troubles.

My age is: I'm 4 next week, and I wants beef cake and a new squeaky.

My favourite human food is: pizza, duck, prawns and roast beef, I also LOVES chocolate and jaffa cakes, but everyone gets really mads when I sneak them so they hide them from me :(

My biggest fear is: Bangs, bangs are the owies for ears and make my body do wobbles.

My favourite things to do: When my hooman says "agility?" we have the best fun's, taking toys on walks, digging up molehills until my hooman says enuff and squeaky disc jumpy game in the garden. Other hooman's too, they give loves, play with me in my house and agility hooman's give me foodies.

What I hate the most: Dogs - they are scary, I used to have friends but my hooman says I "can't be trusted" and am "a pain in the butt" whatever that means. Most dogs are worry monsters and need to go away from me so my body doesn't do wobbles. I try to be scary to frighten them away. When we play agility I always want it to be my turn to go play, and all these other dogs keep taking my turns so I have to woof to tell them to stop it's my turn! It makes my woofer hurt and my hooman sad. I'm scared when my hooman leaves me she won't come back. I knows she comes back to the hause so I'm not scared theres, but I think she might forget me if I don't shout HOOMAN HOOMAN at her, that hurts my woofer too.

Where do I sleep: On the floor near my hoo-man, except bedtimes when I sleep on the sofa in my bedroom because the bed is not for doggies and the man-servant says I'm not allowed upstairs in case I give him too many kisses when it's morning or try sleeps on the bed, I thinks he knows I will push him off to sleep next to my hooman. He says the kitteh can sleep on the bed though which is no fair, so I push her off my sofa.

Do I love car rides? No, except Mel's car mel's car means AGILITY and I have to dance around in the back whining to remind the hooman's we are going to agility - in case they forgets.

Do I snore? My hooman says the only time I snore is when I'm having bad dreams so she wakes me up.

Kid Lyrics!

 I just had the BEST conversation I've ever had with Ayla. She was singing me a song for bedtime.

Ayla: "Away in a manger no crib for a bed, the little lord Jesus, asleep on his head...."

Me: Sorry, did you just say asleep on his head?

Ayla: Yes

Me: That's not how it goes!

Ayla: It has to be, it can't be asleep in his bed as the sentence before said he doesn't have one so that's why hes sleeping on his head with his legs in the air. 

Me: (this is funnier than anything ever) Yes, you are right, always, ALWAYS sing it that way. 

#kidlogic

It’s all fun and games until somebody loses an eye… too late

 An uneventful chat with nhsdirect tonight when Gaius challenged Zarek to pop the bubbles he was blowing, out of the air with his rubber band plane. Zarek enthusiastically took up this challenge and managed to hit a bubble - and his soap covered, propelled glider straight into Gaius' eye. Queue lots of screaming about being blinded, flushing with water, and some concern over the discolouration of his eyeball 🙈- Gaius should be fine, but in fairness to Zarek, he nailed the shot 😂 #brothers #horseplay #doubledare #parentingmishaps #itsallfunandgamesuntilsomeonelosesaneye #toolate

Methinks Tesco has got it wrong…

 

That of course, the kids will refuse to eat, since it contains green things; throwing it across the floor and making Ella wonder why she even bothers, before throwing quavers and choccy biscuits at Rupert, Archibald and Petunia, (the triplets), since it's the only thing they will eat, and then opening the wine and ordering herself a takeaway while the dog 'helps' her clean the kitchen floor. 

Ella should stick to chicken nuggets, or pasta in sauce... as long as it's not tomato...Archibald hates tomatoes... #truestory #realmumoftriplets #thisblessednest

You're doing it right

Last night the kids were being little demons - fighting, screaming, shouting at each other, us, themselves, it was noisy, so, so, noisy and stressful.
The bedtime run up - where even more stress can be made by the tiny one procrastinating getting dressed into pajamas for up to forty minutes, I had enough.
 Ever the devious mother, casually I mention that the first person to get their pajamas on, gets first pick of the colour of bowl in which supper is contained.
They were massively underwhelmed by this and continued to argue about paw patrol and whose house is whose and which figure they are playing with, and will be buried with, so no, you can't ever, ever have a turn.

I sat watching them, wondering how they had forgotten to share, how sick of each other they seem to be, and what a rotten job we seem to have done at times.

I quietly pointed out that the FIRST child to get their pajamas on, could also sit on my knee while we watch my little pony on the tv.
I have never seen four kids get dressed so quickly, around 90 seconds, - a world record.

Ayla was first, sparking tears from the other three.
Quinn had forgotten how she loves to draw-out getting dressed for as long as possible until mummy turns a special shade of purple and starts screaming "get dressed" like some kind of banshee. Quinn's favourite place to sit is on me and she panicked she might be relegated to, the horrors "daddys knee". However, being the only kid who has to get a nappy on for bedtime she was slowed down more than the others.
Zarek who had dressed himself a mere fraction of a second behind Ayla, was very upset until I pointed out I had two knees and they could each have one.

Gaius who accidentally put two feet down the same trouser leg, which slowed him down, was screaming and crying, Quinn is sobbing on the floor at not being quite fast enough to win, when Ayla said "it's okay, I'm going to give my place to Gaius". Gaius stopped crying and Zarek piped up "Quinn, you can have my knee", and Quinn stopped sobbing.
I looked at my two generous children, who despite being cross earlier, had done something so altruistically kind and thoughtful to help someone else they could see is hurting, I realise we've not done such a bad job after all.
The look on Zarek and Ayla's faces said they were both sad to not get to sit on my knee but had decided their sadness was less than the two who were crying on the floor.

We went into the kitchen where the fastest dresser could now choose the snack bowl colour and again tears broke out from the two who got the colours least matching their favourites. (It's friday, everyone is tired and easy to cry).
 Ayla and Zarek negotiated with each other to swap bowls around until Quinn had the green one, (her favourite), Zarek the blue (his favourite), Gaius the orange and Ayla the purple (the smallest unwanted bowl) as a compromise to make the most people happy.

I gathered all four up in my arms, smothering them with kisses and telling them how kind they are and how proud I am before we all snuggled together on the sofa to watch the tv.
These precious moments, often discovered, or greater appreciated an afternoon of fighting and arguing just further demonstrate that while they might bicker over toys from time to time, when it really matters they always choose kindness.