Cookie Recipe or 'baking this makes so-so biscuits'

Today's blog is short and effortless (because I'm feeling lazy and I need to be out all day) I promise it will be long and better tomorrow (but I'm lying because I'm lazy and out of town tomorrow too) unless something awesome happens when I'm out today.
I was asked for the recipe for the cookies so here it is.
Maybe someone else want's to try it and spare my feelings and tell me it's terrible!

I found it by googling "easy cookie recipe."
And last night while I was in bed I considered that perhaps that was the problem.....so I got up today and first thing I did was to Google "hardest cookie recipe."
If I'm gonna suck at something let's suck at a 'mans game.'

Hazzah, sugar cookie failure here I come!!!
(or at least in a bit when I'm not so lazy I mean.....busy...yeah...busy)

Need a chef, or at least a half decent kitchen assistant

Today I suddenly decided, mid accounting and mid listings that I really fancied some cookies. But we don't have any in. So in an attempt to kill two birds with one stone (get cookies and clean kitchen) I decided to start baking.
Now I'm sure you all recall my secret cookie war. For some unknown reason I can make roast joints, bake cakes, serve rare delicacies and they are scrumptious, but try my hand at cookies, biscuits and brownies and it's a TOTAL fail.

Today I was SO hopeful.
The recipe was so basic that a child could do it, supposedly.
And I was comforted by other people's comments like;
"Hi Rachel, 
thank you so much for the recipe. i always thought cookie baking was the most complicated thing in the whole world. you made it soo easy, no baking powder and no eggs is the kind of cooking that we dig and now possible all because of you."
So I was pretty certain I couldn't mess up.

I was wrong.

I tell you now I FOLLOWED the RECIPE. I did honestly I did, it was so basic not even I could screw it up. But when I reached my 13-15 minutes cooking time.....they still weren't done. In fact a whole 45 minutes later they still weren't looking done either, they were squidgy still, so not being a quitter I flipped them over like pancakes and put them back in.

It's been an hour and they still don't look too great. I haven't tried one yet, and D's not around as a test subject so I keep poking them on the cooling rack and giving them dubious looks.

If anyone has a fool-proof (and trust me it needs to be fool-proof) recipe I can try leave it below. I'll try out every recipe I get and post all the results and who-ever can finally get me making a successful batch gets......um.....I don't know what, a trophy or something.
Help.

Hell YEAH!

Wowza! I found this while strolling across the interweb!

Elephant Mahout Training
Four Seasons Tented Camp, Northern Thailand
You can do anything from half a day to three days depending just how much of an elephant fan you are, working side-by-side with local mahouts - expert trainers in the 2,000-year-old Thai tradition of elephant care. Guests interact directly with the rescued elephants, learning about the animals and their well-being from the mahouts, who also demonstrate the fundamentals of elephant driving. Which brings us to the best bit. Pachyderm trekking through the jungle. The camp also includes bathing and feeding the elephants and collecting them from their night-time feeding grounds. 

OMG SIgn me up, and show me how! This would completely tick off the FIRST item on my 100 by 100 list, methinks it's time to beat D into submission, or just plain ol' take my girlfriends and go, after all it's only three days so we could fly out, do it, and then fly home. Hell yeah, MINIBREAK, whose with me!

Where are the batteries for the darned camera!

It's B-day over here for three little kittehs, but I get the feeling we're going to need a do-over tomorrow since the camera is either broken or none of the three sets of batteries I put in it are charged.
Their gift has not arrived - speedy mail order my ass!
It's raining, it's pouring the kittehs are snoring.
And are acting mopey - maybe because they realise momma is throwing them a really crappy birthday, by shoving them away as she tries to do her accounts.

They were born somewhere between midday on the 18th and midday on the 19th. Since their biological momma had gone walkies overnight and returned with the kittehs on the 19th. So maybe a two day birthday can be excused.

We've bought them a Frolicat Dart and really hope it arrives tomorrow, I was so sure I'd upload some cute kitteh craziness photos and videos today but apparently --- not.
Hopefully tomorrow birthday act 2 will be more of a success.

In the meantime SIX cats have come to my door today, some I have never seen before, so I'm guessing they were expecting a party or something??
Oh, and I had three mice on the lawn...perhaps that attracted them?

I know ya'll weren't thinking sweet thoughts for me!

Ick ick ick ick!
I took the medicine yesterday before I went and I managed the first 5ml spoonful okay - tastes like lemon sherbets but a very bitter unpleasant after-taste. No biggie.
The other medicine, the one I had to take 25ml's of - --- but that I was only provided the equipment for getting 10ml doses out of the bottle ---- went less well.
The first 15ml's were okay, it smelled and tasted like toffee sauce...for about 3 seconds. Then the burning acid bitter horrendous flavour came out. On my 20ml spoonful I actually vomited into my mouth and started cramming biscuits and lemonade down to try keep the whole dose down. Needless to say I had to wait another ten minutes before taking the final dose --- so it didn't reappear on the kitchen floor --- and then hop round on one foot trying not to barf. Delightful.

It gets better.

For the procedure I was half-naked...did I really need SIX other people in the room with me ---- my guess is no. Although the wonderful nurse who offered me her hand in the procedure talked me through it while I was in agony and trying not to cry, she stroked my head and assured me it would be over soon and that I could do this. I'm not sure I'd have managed not to have kicked and punched those around me if it wasn't for her, at one point I was in agony and trying to breathe through feeling like I was being ripped apart, they reassured me they could stop and re-start when the doctor got in the room but I shook my head, the sooner it's over the better. They did scream for the doctor to come immediately so it could be over, which was great. And afterwards feeling a bit sheepish now it was over and less painful they all were very sympathetic saying it is a very painful thing to have done and I did great.

Afterwards I didn't lose my sight "YAY" BUT ----- I did suffer with chronic diarrhoea which is a rare side-effect of the procedure and the drugs I was on, guess it wasn't my day.
I was under strict "stay off your feet" orders and D had to pander to my every whim, which would have been awesome were I keeping anything down and not writhing on the sofa whimpering.

It was horrible. The only plus was viewing my inners on the screen behind my head which looked like someone had set a firework off in them with all these squiggly trails of dye and organs. Hopefully the test will be clear, otherwise I have to have the same again but while unconscious and open in surgery. Joy happy happy joy joy. We'll get the results soon. I hope they are clear or something minor and easily resolved has been picked up. I really don't want to do any more procedures I want to move on to the solution.

Drugs don't work they just make me worse, till I'm ready to kick some ASS

Well I go in for my "procedure" tomorrow, I'd tell you what it's called but all I remember is BLAHBLAHBLAH-SPING-BLAHBLAH-OGRAM. Before I go I have to take antibiotics to stave off any potential infection. Now I have a pill problem rooted in my childhood. I.CANNOT.TAKE.PILLS. Four out of five times I take a painkiller I end up gagging/vomiting it back up. So when the doctor told me I'd have to take two pills in the morning before I go and then one pill a day for four more days, I figured I could maybe manage that.
Then I picked the pills up today.
I have to take 5 count them 5 pills before I go, and two when I return followed by three a day for four more days....you may think I'm over reacting but that's A-LOT of drugs! To make matters worse, the pills are MAHUSSSIVE! Imagine the size of your thumbnail and you've got them. The pills also have crazy instructions the "zippy" pills need to be taken with an hour gap of each other. and then two hours must be left after the final pill before anything else... so for those it's 4 hours of coaxing a pill down plus two hours break. Then I have to have a full tummy to take the second "miz" GIANT pill. My appointment is at 10am...this would mean I have to get up at 3am just to take some pills, even if I didn't have a problem that's crazy.

I rang D in floods of tears sure I can't take them and thinking I might die if I have the procedure and don't. Eventually someone calmed me down...I think it was Emmzie...maybe I rang her after D....and got me to call the pharmacy, explain why I have a problem and ask if they can help. And bless them they offered to exchange them for a suspension liquid. Now I only have to take 25ml of liquid and then another 5ml of liquid before I go....that sounds much more manageable.. no matter how foul it tastes. Think nice sweet coated thoughts for me tomorrow, I'm going to need them!!

Unwanted Vacation Procedure

I'm having a "procedure" done at the hospital on Thursday and while it's basic but evasive it has all kinds of scary bad side-effects and I'm a bit freaked out about it. (let me tell you it involves nothing to do with my eyes but it says it can cause temporary BLINDNESS after!!!) I'll be back on here after it's done as I can't concentrate to write (other than to moan and bitch and worry) which makes awesome reading I know. I hope you can all understand this and stay tuned for these fine future blogs;

*Unveiling my Arch Nemesis*
*Battlestar Galactica Drinking Game*
*How I sound and why I'm cringing*
*Evasive procedures and why they suck* (or possibly retitled 'my life now I'm temporarily blind')
and finally
*How to test your cat's sanity*

I'll be back soon ----- promise